It seems as though you may sort of mean it would have been better to let people mourn longer, before bringing up the doubts.

I was wondering about this, too. Would people really have wanted to mourn a pseudicide for a longer amount of time before finding out that there's a good chance there was no death?

I will say this about coming forth with my suspicions about Gus's death: when it was first announced, I was shocked and upset. I know others were also (which goes without saying). *Because* others were upset, I would NOT have come forth with my suspicions if I didn't think they were valid. Because to toss around accusations of pseudicide based on nothing more than a rumor or one tiny inconsistency would have caused just as much -- if not more -- upset than hearing that Gus died.

I didn't voice my suspicions without a great deal of thought, and a great deal of consideration for the community. And one of the things I considered was the question I raised at the beginning of this post: would it have been *better* if people had been able to mourn longer, expend more energy and emotions, before finding out that maybe there was no one to mourn?

Not just that, Tep. I googled for info on Gus immediately after hearing. I missed him and was hoping to read more about him, maybe find out what charity to give to. When I found nothing, I felt confused and suspicious and alone in those feelings. Finding out I wasn't the only one was a great relief.

I don't remember who it was (cindy, maybe?), but i'd like to thank the person who had the courage to come forward. While there is perhaps legitimacy to the thought that we jumped on the pseuicide idea too quickly, I don't think that the quickness would have happened if there weren't many people with the same concerns.

would it have been *better* if people had been able to mourn longer, expend more energy and emotions, before finding out that maybe there was no one to mourn?

Probably yes for some people and no for others, which sucks, because there's no way to make everything right for everyone.

When I found out offline on New Years' day that other people had doubts, I was like, "you too?!" but later it hit me that most of us probably googled the name immediately, and lack of google trail is unsettling. So I'd guess that's why it seemed like we kind of quickly concluded that Gus may not be who he said he was. And people had other reasons, of course; just for me, a tone to kimi's post that struck me as off, for others, maybe an uncomfortable reminder of other pseudicides*.

* It's cute and all but "pseu" is not a prefix.

ETA: and yeah, I immediately responded to Cindy's post laying out her doubts because I know what it's like to post something controversial and sit for hours waiting to see what the community says. It sucks, and I thought she'd be immediately jumped on.

For me, as it happened over the holiday weekend, I got approximately 2 minutes to be mournful. I logged on yesterday and there 200+ messages in this thread, it was the first place I went to. I read of his passing and two minutes later, the doubts came up. For me, it was very upsetting. I would have liked a little more time.

I don't know that this was the place to express doubts. I don't know where a good place to express those would have been. I don't know if expressing those doubts was right or not. I don't know much, but I know I love you.

* It's cute and all but "pseu" is not a prefix.

yes, but it sounds better. I mean, I'm a grammar nazi and all, but appreciate a good sniglet as well.

Crap. Clicked post too soon.

This is one of those situations where there *is* no win-win. There are those of us more emotionally driven and there are those of us who are more driven by truth and wanting to know more. And those are two very hard drives to reconcile within a community such as this.

Sorry, Vortex, I didn't mean to make it appear as if I was particularly responding to you using the word; I wrote that before seeing your post!

I don't remember who it was (cindy, maybe?), but I'd like to thank the person who had the courage to come forward. While there is perhaps legitimacy to the thought that we jumped on the pseuicide idea too quickly, I don't think that the quickness would have happened if there weren't many people with the same concerns.

What Vortex said.

It was a great relief to me to log on and see that others had similar doubts to myself (and for similar reasons), and that we were talking about it right away, and in public. I think letting things fester (or worse, taken backchannel) would have been very unhealthy for the community.