How about a new FAQ entry

Q: Where should newbies introduces themselves, in Press or Beep Me?

A: Eeek! Neither. You'll be stomped. Mercilessly. Those threads are for different sorts of annoucements (see the thread descriptions for details). Just delurk and introduce yourself in whichever thread sparks your interest. We know some other boards have introduction threads, but as you're about to find out, we're not like other boards (and you'll love us for it).

eta...

Then the next time someone introduces himself in Press or Beep Me, the Stompy can edit out the text, and put a polite, but short note, like "Introduction deleted by [Stompy's Name], see FAQ for explanation."

(and make "FAQ" a link to the appropriate FAQ text).

There's a long link here that's making my screen wide:

gargrrryl "The Minearverse 2: Getting his words out." Apr 18, 2004 6:31:24 pm PDT

Back when I still had a job, I agreed to help revise the short etiquette. Here's what I have so far:

• The FAQ is that-a-way. We have a fairly elaborate community, with many specialty boards, and something of a local dialect. Please read the FAQ, as it will acquaint with you with the personality of the board.

• We talk a lot. Most of our ramblings are in the Natter threads, but almost any thread is fair game. Exceptions include Sunnydale Press, our general announcements thread, and Apocalypse, our personal announcements thread. Misplaced Natter may be deleted.

• If you're posting and feel like your comments are being ignored or you don't fit in, don't worry. Most of us feel like that at one time or another. Unfortunately, there's probably no easy way to fix it. Please remember that many threads move very fast, and it's impossible for everyone to keep up with everything that's said. In addition, different threads may have different subcommunities or move at different paces.

• Don't post spoilers outside the spoiler threads. We consider spoilers to be anything that has not yet been broadcast. If you do accidentally post a spoiler, please either delete it or white it out. If you don't, a Stompy Foot may do it for you.

• We have many posters who aren't from North America and are therefore half a season or more behind. Don't taunt them. Please keep all discussion of current episodes in the NAFDA threads. The UnAmerican thread is obviously a safe zone, but so are Natter and Buffista Bureaucracy.

• A few board members are considered to be Big Stompy Feet. They are wise, they are considerate, they are smart, and they have smiting capability. If they ask for your cooperation with something, please comply.

• Consistent demon-like behavior may lead to a warning from the community. If you don't listen to the warning, you will be suspended for two months. And if you come back unreformed, you will be banned. Banning is rare and very much a last resort. Our back-up boards on WorldCrossing and PeoplesForum are also Buffista Zones, and are subject to the same etiquette rules as the Phoenix. (ed. comment -- do we need the backup boards proviso anymore?)

• While we may occasionally mention Buffy or Buffista-related goods, please don't spam us. Thanks. Besides, we all have large penises already.

• If you have questions or concerns about Buffista policies, please visit the Bureaucracy thread located on the right sidebar. Discussions about administration, moderation, and community take place in this thread. If you encounter etiquette problems, this is also the place to air grievances.

• We're a very independent group here. Because of this, we react badly to anything that comes across as preaching. We also react badly when told we should modify our behavior to accommodate someone. But there's more good news: it's entirely possible to have a disagreement with people on the board and still remain a member of the community. No one will kick you off the board for having a different opinion. But please think before you post. (Ed. opinion: I understand why this was suggested, but I might take this bullet out because it might serve to scare people away more than inform them. Or, we could edit it to something like this: )

* It is entirely possble to disagree with someone and remain on the board -- no one will kick you out for having a different opinion, and variety is the cayenne pepper of the board. However, certain tones, such as preaching or asking the community to change to match your preferences, are more likely to get a negative reaction. Please think before you post.

Thoughts, comments, further revisions?

I like your amended last bullet, Lyra. Less threatening. And in fact, I'd change the last line:

Please think before you post.

to:

Please think before you post that sort of thing.

But YBMV.

We talk a lot. Most of our ramblings are in the Natter threads, but almost any thread is fair game. Exceptions include Sunnydale Press, our general announcements thread, and Apocalypse, our personal announcements thread. Misplaced Natter may be deleted.

Natter is discouraged in this thread too, but not deleted. We've just been a bit slack lately.

Natter is discouraged in this thread too, but not deleted.

This is true for all the left-hand threads (except Press and Beep Me, natch), and definitely deserves to be mentioned.

While we may occasionally mention Buffy or Buffista-related goods, please don't spam us. Thanks. Besides, we all have large penises already.

Maybe amend the last sentence to make it a little more inclusive? Maybe to "Besides, we all have large penises (or breasts, where appropriate) already."

Assuming that breast-augmentation spam is common.

I think the joke of the line is its lack of inclusiveness, since many of us are women (but have large penises anyway).

(I have never received breast augmentation spam. I guess if you can actually do it, you don't spam for it).

The penis one is more common. And indiscriminately sprayed across the email landscape.

I like the funny of the assumption that the size of my penis needs enlarging.

What flea said. (And I've never seen breast augmentation spam either -- if there are breasts in my spam, they're usually attached to barlY leg111al t33nz copier oatmeal waterpik.)