Heh. It was less the "too many people" than a) the fact that none of them would give an inch, and b) the violence of my own reaction. Basically, I realised that I couldn'ty stay emotionally healthy in that headspace; believe me, it really doesn't take much to turn me into a screaming vicious bitch. I can't be anyplace that does that to me on a regular basis. It's not the city's fault, it's my own problem.

I have to except Paris from my big city thing, maybe because it really is eclectic, maybe because it's just so damned beautiful, maybe because unlike the rest of the world I love the Parisians and have never had a problem there, or maybe just because it totally suits my love of the raised eyebrow "compete? why on earth? we are PARIS!" thing.

What I mean to say is, of course anyone could have taken the donations and laid a bit of groundwork. I'm certainly not special in this regard, and apologize if I've hurt anyone's feelings by appearing to take far too much credit.

Allyson, I think you are under the misapprehension that everybody has your superpowers. But you are Make It Happen Girl, and you made this happen, like you've made so many other things happen (Annual Review, LA F2F, innumerable charities, Save Firefly). True - some other people probably could have organized it, and gotten through all the ticketing and visas and planning. But they didn't have to because...you Made It Happen.

It's what you do.

Many people contributed. It was certainly a community effort and outpouring. But I think we all understand that you were Make It Happen Girl.

I dunno. From my office I can see a park that dates from before the Revolution, starting a street that winds the same path it did 300 years ago; a Cass Gilbert building celebrating New York's sea power, cobblestoned streets, the old battery, statue of liberty, Ellis Island. I can walk to the steps where George Washington was inaugurated. Right now in my apartment I can see a 150 year old decommissioned church just steps away from a similarly aged graveyard and 100 year old department stores from when this was the fashionable shopping district of the turn of the century.

I think every single person feels like getting to see, host, hang out, hug, and talk to Nilly is a total gift. She thinks she got a gift; we got the gift. I think everyone sharing their stories over the past three weeks was a gift to everyone who hadn't yet seen or wouldn't get to see Nilly (this time). I'm even saving some to read later.

I cannot imagine feeling anything but gratitude toward you, Allyson, for doing the legwork to make it happen. Or to Tim for providing the "C'mon, people, let's just do this already," and providing the seed money. Or, as you noted, to Kristen for musing about it when you were ... doing something somewhere. Seriously. I've not observed or felt anything other than that for you all and everyone who's made an effort in this from hosting Nilly to simply reading about the tour and enjoying it for that. You ain't a credit hog. Nope. Not one bit. That's all.

I will brook no negativity about any of this. I make my stand here. (Too much? OK, well, anyway ... )

And dear lord, how much do I not care about the accounting? Thiiiiisssss much (more, really, but I don't want to break the board). (Note: I do completely understand your desire to make an accounting, though.)

Allyson, you did an amazing job of co-ordinating this. Thank you.

Oh, crap, it never even occurred to me.

Do I need to do a personal accounting to everyone who contributed on erika's ticket? I mean, I can - but do I need to? I just downloaded everything from PayPal, made up the difference in the fees from my own non-PayPal account, and sent it FedEx.

Do I have to do more math?

Or, as you noted, to Kristen for musing about it when you were ... doing something somewhere.

I believe the mythical activity was "watching the teevee."

Do I have to do more math?

Speaking just for myself (and probably JZ) - nope. I wouldn't worry about it, Deb.

Allyson, while you will probably feel like you've finished the project off with the accounting, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Aside from the fact that most Buffistas would trust you with a box full of signed blank checks, the proof is in the pudding. Nilly was here.

Oh, gosh. Not needing validation. Like I said, it came to my attention that I've been awash in accolades, and maybe I haven't done such a good job of making it clearer that I didn't do much more than anyone else, and the accolades were unnecessary. And since I've been lazy in sending out the accounting, I appear to be hiding something. Which is my own fault, of course. So. Lazy.

So. Lazy.

I'm sure that's the first thing that comes to anybody's mind when they think of you. t /rolls eyes, just once