I don't trust you people. August is evil hot.

Clubs of choice for Nicole:

330 Ritch: The former apex of the early '90s acid-jazz scene is now home to the long-running indie-pop weekly "popscene" as well as salsa and hip hop nights. Delicious food, dancing, and pool make this dark alley hideaway a hip hangout for the city's young and fabulous. 330 Ritch (at Townsend), 541-9574.

popscene is very cool

Arrow: The best place in the occupied nightlife territory of Sixth and Mission streets, period. It's part bar and part cave dance floor (complete with stalactites), packaged with various guest DJs. A young, modish crowd usually dominates; the party doesn't get going until at least 1 a.m. 10 Sixth St. (at Market), 255-7920.

big dance club scene

Boom Boom Room: Couches and cocktails complement a blues and funk boogie, which makes shaking it on the checkerboard dance floor an old-fashioned must. Nightly, up-and-coming national acts play sweaty, steamy sets on the venue's small stage -- always a rollicking time. 1601 Fillmore (at Geary), 673-8000.

fantastic for blues

Bottom of the Hill: A down-and-dirty rock club complete with a pinball machine, sticker-smothered bathrooms, and a smoker's patio. Nightly entertainment ranges from loud-as-hell to what-the-hell-was-that. 1233 17th St. (at Missouri), 621-4455.

the place for indie rock in SF

The Cafe: "Always a crowd, never a cover" is its accurate motto, to which the bridge-and-tunnel crowd can attest. This gay dance spot -- popular for years -- stands as an out-of-towner mecca, but Sunday nights are reserved for locals only. The DJs, sadly, are lackluster at best. 2367 Market (at 17th St.), 861-3846.

dyke dance club deluxe

DNA Lounge: The newly remodeled DNA is a longtime fixture on this happening 11th Street block. Regular goth and industrial parties happen alongside the occasional house or hip hop jam. 375 11th St. (at Folsom), 626-1409.

been around forever, but still a scene depending on the DJ

Eagle Tavern: SOMA's leather/daddy/alterna/beer bust spot for years, its Thursday night music series has proved popular as of late. An outdoor stage -- sadly, so rare in San Francisco -- and comfy patio act as yin to its sordid and cruisy yang. 398 12th St. (at Harrison), 626-0880.

THE leather bar

Endup: A nightclub that (fortunately) stays up well past its bedtime, the Endup has a hard-earned reputation as an after-hours mecca that still holds up. "Fag Fridays" and Sunday morning T-dances are as popular as ever. Sixth St. & Harrison, 357-0827.

major gay dance club. Long running.

Fluid: Computer-controlled lighting creates a wavy atmosphere for weekend (and sometimes weekday) DJs to drop funky house, slippery hip hop, and all else cool at this glitzy, twentysomething hub. 662 Mission (at Annie), 615-6888.

interesting new place

Milk: As one of the Haight's best-sounding rooms, Milk features DJ sets of dance-ready hip hop, soul, and funk. If you show up before 9 p.m., admission is free. "Sushi Sunday" is a matinee of up-and-coming rock and punk bands that starts in the afternoon and carries no cover. 1840 Haight (at Stanyan), 387-MILK.

closest to Deb and me

Nickie's: When the Lower Haight was dirty and funky, Nickie's was the place to dance and get sweaty till early in the a.m. Now the neighborhood's changed, but Nickie's still serves up some of the best weekly parties in town as patrons get down to the sound of reggae, hip hop, soul, world beats -- and a weekly Grateful Dead jam. 460 Haight (at Fillmore), 621-6508.

funkier. Kind of small.

Paradise Lounge: The former altrock club has reinvented itself to become a scenester heaven, featuring live pop bands and house-music DJs. See and be seen at this SOMA hot spot. 1501 Folsom (at 11th St.), 621-1911.

Another SoMa veteran

Pink: Although a wee bit unbefitting for a venue near the Mission District's coarse 16th and South Van Ness intersection, this new venue (replacing the admired Liquid) justifies its address with its bold elegance and nonintrusive French psychedelic and house beats. Decked out with an awesome chandelier, snappy seating, and lots of pink, DJ Franky Boissy's club brings a touch of class to an area in much need of it. 2925 16th St. (at South Van Ness), 431-8889.

cool place

Sno-drift: Bay Area snow bunnies delight in the décor of this kitschy, Alpine-themed destination. Whether throwing back highballs to the thump of house music in the front or grooving to hip hop in the back, upper-crust clubbers pack the place on the weekends. Though Sno-drift doesn't house the city's busiest dance floors, DJs in both rooms spin quality sets into the wee hours. 1830 Third St. (at 16th St.), 431-4766.

very fun, but smallish. Hip.

Suede: House, drum 'n' bass, and everything in between thump and grind at Suede, where partyers succumb to the rhythms of the dance floor. Expensive drinks and a surprisingly friendly staff make overcoming the butterflies somewhat easier. 383 Bay (at Mason), 399-9555.

hardcore clubbers

Verdi Club: Lace up your wingtips: The Verdi has survived the rise and fall of the swing fad to endure as one of the city's premier venues for live and DJed big-band dancing. Monday nights are for swing, and Thursday nights remain a favorite for tango aficionados; dinner dances take place one a month. 2424 Mariposa (at Potrero), 861-9199.

swingsville, baby

Vertigo: It's tough to get a bead on Vertigo's musical selections; the DJs at the ornate but unpretentious Polk Street watering hole might spin anything from Patsy Cline to DJ Shadow. Late in the evening the beats get louder, and the mixed crowd -- tourists, locals, folks of all ages -- takes to the floor, enjoying grooving pop, R&B, and soul from the past 30 years. 1160 Polk (at Sutter), 674-1278.

best spot for dancing with Filipino transvestites

August is evil hot.

It's going to be 61 in the daytime. Maybe fifties at night when the fog comes in.

It's going to be 61 in the daytime. Maybe fifties at night when the fog comes in.

I actually can't conceive of this. It's AUGUST.

My brother was right. I should move to SF.

Don't know if we could fit this into Nilly's packaged agenda, but...

from the Bay Guardian Best of:

Best Kosher Gourmet Food

In a so-far short period of existence, Ristorante Raphael has quickly become a mainstay of the downtown Berkeley after-theater dining scene. But don't be surprised if you spy a big-bearded rabbi in a black hat or a crowd of teenagers in yarmulkes and tzitzis hanging at the table next door. The décollage is as striking as it is part of the atmosphere; on a recent night, two tables separated a couple of Mission hipsters arguing about independent film and a couple of rabbis arguing about Talmud. Most surprising of all might be the food. Balsamic-sautéed portobellos, stuffed artichokes, and skewered ahi are antipasti specials to which Raphael does justice. The highest compliment a Jewish mother can pay to a kosher restaurant is "You don't even notice it's kosher!" — a backhanded compliment Raphael nonbackhandedly deserves. The cuisine veers as far from the traditional palate of Italian restaurants as it does from the falafel-and-pizza sameness of, ahem, "traditional" kosher restaurants. 2132 Center, Berk. (510) 644-9500.

You should move to SF.

August is evil hot.

San. Fran. Cis. Co.

You should move to SF.

I'm starting to consider it much more seriously. Bit of an epiphany last night.

August is evil hot.

San. Fran. Cis. Co.

Are you wearing YOUR leather pants?

Are you wearing YOUR leather pants?

I'm certainly bringing them. I imagine there's a very very tiny chance it could actually be hot, but not enough of a chance to not bring the pants.