DMV in SF is painless; call for an appointment and zero waiting, or do your business entirely online, rather than in line.

But the US Embassy in London (it's on Grosvenor Square) in the late seventies was a place of horror. For one thing, the forms were as stupid as they could be. "Please check the yes or no box for the following questions. Question one, while visiting the US, do you intend to engage in any activity that is designed in any way to harm, damage or subvert the government of the United States?"

Um, even if I was, would I tell you?

Gee, where's my number two pencil?

deb, I answered these questions on the papers I had to fill for my application. A PDF file of the forms.

Do you seek to enter the United States to engage in export control violations, subversive or terrorist activities, or any other unlawful purpose? Are you a member or representative of a terrorist organization as currently designated by the U.S. Secretary of State? Have you ever participated in persecutions directed by the Nazi government of Germany; or have you ever participated in genocide?

Does anyone ever answer "yes" to these? And if so, why isn't there a "If yes, please explain" box? Or a "If so, please handcuff yourself and turn yourself over to the authorities" box?

I went to the MVA in a dubious part of town when I first moved here & had to get new plates and a license. It was pretty painless. Others bitched and moaned about the offices out in suburbia, and yet were horrified I'd go to That One. Whatever. They have a few license/id renewal only places batting about as well, and I went to one for the renewal on my lunch. Didn't take too long.

When I had a NM license, I'd go to the Mesilla (a small town on the edge of LC) office to get it done. It was a best kept secret. 2 person office, you'd waltz in and out with the only delay being the time it took to see if you were a ___ of the Somesuch ___s? No? Do you know the ___s?

Does anyone ever answer "yes" to these? And if so, why isn't there a "If yes, please explain" box?

Y'know, I think I'd find a 'please explain' box even more disturbing. "Yeah, I was plotting terrorist activity while in the US, but it's not what you think. I was only going to hit Iowa. You'll hardly notice."

I am trying to convince my dad to write a book about his dealings with the INS over the last 3+ years. Short version: don't lose your naturalization papers.

I am still perpetuating the myth that I will be able to make it to some leg of the Nillyfest, but even if I can't i'm just so happy that it's happening! Hurray for movement through the bureaucratic machine!

Are you a member or representative of a terrorist organization as currently designated by the U.S. Secretary of State?

I wonder if anyone ever goes up to the counter to ask if their group qualifies.

Exactly. Why is this stuff on the forms? If you're going to answer "yes", your eligibility to enter the United States isn't what's in question: it's whether or not you have enough grey matter to walk and chew gum at the same time.

Well, if you lie on the form they can boot you out for that even if you haven't actually blown anything up. I'm sure it comes in handy sometimes.

Trudy, in the current environment of terrorist-terror fueled paranoia, they'd arrest you for even thinking about it. Hello, Gitmo.

Those questions, at this moment in American history, seem completely pointless. It's like asking whether someone's grandmother's Great Dane was ever a contributor to the Communist Party, or something.