Why didn't anyone kick Pippin's ass?

The usual--he's the youngest and gets away with everything.

Why did the Orcs and gremlins retreat like the French when there were so many more of them than there were of the hairbags?

No more Eye on Fire directing them in their evil ways.

Is the Eye on Fire dead now? I mean, it's an eye. Where the hell is the rest of him?

He lost his corporeal body when the Ring was first cut off his hand by Head Hairbag back in the prologue of the first movie, and he needed the Ring to get it back. The question that JRRT never got around to answering was where the heck the Eye was planning on wearing the Ring since it is, in fact, just an eye. But, now that the Ring is not just merely dead, but really and sincerely dead, so's the Eye.

The wizard guy that fucked with Gandalfe is now powerless, how? He's being guarded by a tree?

Well, that's the theatrical release version. The extended is going to be a little more definite in how his story ends, even though it's a bit different than the book.

Why didn't anyone kick Pippin's ass?

I think Gandalf really wanted Pippin to be killed by an orc. less paperwork that way.

Why did the Orcs and gremlins retreat like the French when there were so many more of them than there were of the hairbags?

You got it in one. Orcs are French.

Is the Eye on Fire dead now? I mean, it's an eye. Where the hell is the rest of him?

He's deader than a favorite Minear character during sweeps. He lost his body when the continent he was standing on decided to sink. His own fault, really.

The wizard guy that fucked with Gandalfe is now powerless, how? He's being guarded by a tree?

Well, actually... (There was a chapter in the book that they didn't bother to film.)

So, I guess the answer to Allyson's question -- is yes -- he's being guarded by a tree. Until November when PJ will change that answer.

Why didn't anyone kick Pippin's ass?

Because he's the cutest. And if they tried anything, ita would kill them.

So, the bad guy was an eye on fire on top of a tower?

Uh huh. Also, a huge lighthouse.

I thought Eric the Viking dies in the first one, does his brother have the same name?

Pretty much, yes.

Where the hell were the stinky elves going?

California. Actually, Catalina Island. It's all about this heaven-like, perfect-hair, never-sweat oasis of calm and nice clothes and beachy play. So, of course, humans are not invited.

Wasn't Frodo supposed to die?

He decided to pine for the fjords instead. And then go there! (He got a special invitation. Also, I mean, except for the whole slogging-through-a-volcano period, he cleaned up reasonably well. Except for the not wearing shoes.)

Did ita's Boytoy also go sailing, or is he a Knight of the Round Table?

I think he stayed for love of his stinky human and dwarfy companions.

Aren't those hobbits a buncha ingrates for not throwing a party for the Frodo Contingency? I mean, they have celebrations for Snack Time, the little bastards.

As far as they know, Frodo just went on a really long walk. They're a little clueless on the "I was (nearly) a teenaged Dark Lord!" front.

What was CrazyAss Daddy's problem?

He was crazy. Yeah, no, that part made no sense in the movie.

Why didn't anyone kick Pippin's ass?

It was too small. They could not find it with their Boots of Smiting.

Why did the Orcs and gremlins retreat like the French when there were so many more of them than there were of the hairbags?

They are wimpy. Also, it's tough to hold a Maginot line when you have no tanks and the very ground under your feet is flipping out.

Is the Eye on Fire dead now? I mean, it's an eye. Where the hell is the rest of him?

He went ZOT! When people go zot, even if they have no other body parts but an eye, they are effectively gone from this here earth.

The wizard guy that fucked with Gandalfe is now powerless, how? He's being guarded by a tree?

Yeah, pretty much. Gandalf took his job and had him demoted, so yeah.

Why didn't anyone kick Pippin's ass?

No one can hurt Pippin! I LOVE him. Also, he has a nice singing voice.

Although I am glad to see posts go up in here, as I, too have watched without reading the books and have irritating questions like

How did Eowyn and Faramir seemingly end up together, as I think they have never met?

There was chatting-up in the pre-Coronation drink ticket line? They were the only two single nobles taller than 4 feet in all of Gondor?

Uh. They meet and schmoop in a part PJ left out. It is apparently in the EE.

Also? The PTB with the "No Man Can Kill the Guy in the Grim Reaper Suit" clause were funny. How clever.

What isn't clever is the rhyming names, because it makes my head go 'splody.

I still think they should have just launched a fork at the Evil Eye.

Yeah. The answer is, that happened in a chapter that did not make it into the short version of the movie. If not for expectation of the long version, there would be no logical basis for assuming they end up together at all -- they should, according to the movie, be complete strangers at the coronation.

But you get extra points for picking up the vibe.

The PTB with the "No Man Can Kill the Guy in the Grim Reaper Suit" clause were funny. How clever.

Oh yeah, laugh now -- when it's you that can't be killed except for by a seagull flying errant across a Los Angeles freeway, and you happen to be on a Los Angeles freeway the day a peregrine falcon is in the mood for some sea-bird for dinner, and the laws of physics take over --

Okay, yeah. That was Fate stuffing the ballot box.

What isn't clever is the rhyming names, because it makes my head go 'splody.

What, you didn't mind Frodo and Meriadoc? Did we mention Frodo's father was named Drogo, and his uncle is Bilbo? I think he had some cousins named Dodo and Bingo and Hojo and Bongo.

(Probably best we not tell her about Ar-Adunakhor and that lot.)