Okay. I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and this is how it’s going to go down. Certain plot points distress me, and my course of action is clear.
I shall access the time-space-art continuum by channeling the indominitable spirit of Scotty and re-routing the tachyon flow through the hoominafrabitzer (blah blah blah plausible fake science for the nerds blah blah blah). Just after the landing, I’ll step into the frame from the left. I’ll lean over, grab Wash’s right hand, and pull him out of his seat just before the beam comes crashing through the windshield (vacuum shield?). While the crew is busy goggling at all the destruction, I’ll step back out of frame. If all goes well, I’ll have just enough time to give Captain Tightpants a pat on his back canvas as I flash a big shit-eating grin. Alert viewers who pause their DVDs will forever wonder about my “Outlaw Plot Repair” T-shirt. The rest of the Big Damn Movie can continue as scripted. (Sorry Book. Hope there will be more backstory someday). Everyone will be too busy to worry about WTF?! during the rest of the scene anyway. They can thank me later. Sorry Joss, hate to rap you on the knuckles here, but killing Wash too soon was a big damn mistake. I’m still mad at you. Sure, I watch your stuff just to fall in love with your characters and then let you rip my heart out, but we haven’t gotten enough dinosaur jokes and loud Hawaaian shirts yet. Try it again after giving me the Wash n’Zoe Hot!Married!Sex!!! on Vacation scene, preferably during Season 7 or so.
Check my tagline if you’re wondering why posting this seemed appropriate…