Tone.

Here's the thing - there is no tone. Or, rather, there is what the reader perceives, and what the writer intended. And, because we can't hear tone, or see facial expression or body language, the reactions we have to posts are more a function of what we think the poster means than what the poster means. (Now, obviously, there are cases where a poster is quite blatent about what they intended, but that is perhaps the exception.)

This is why, instead of assuming that the 'tone' we've detected is what was intended, I think it's best to err on the side of patience, and perhaps ask for clarification of meaning.

I wasn't around for events last night, but --

The board does seem more prickly in some ways lately. I've noticed it most in the discussions of what should (or shouldn't) go in the Press and Beep Me threads.

Several possible reasons for this feeling. The board is about to go through a big change as the end of the Buffyverse appears nigh. In current events, the world feels on the cusp of -- some big changes in some direction or other. So, a lot of uncertainty, plus the end of a rough winter in many areas.

Other omens, too. Today at lunch, I saw 13 penguins flying upside down over Constitution Avenue.

I don't think we need any formal changes. But we should be aware of how we're coming across to others. And be aware that there's a difference between a newbie stepping in the guacamole, and a newbie flinging the guacamole around the room and ruining the freshly painted walls.

I see everybody's point on this, though I don't agree with all of them. I was one of the people whom Beej rubbed the wrong way, I generally tried to ignore it. I make no claims at my success in that regard, though.

But this is a good point...

I'd like to point out in fairness to the non-new people that we have a lot of new people right now, and not every new person has received a cross-posted smackdown.

As is this...

So do we modify our behavior around newbies, or do we toss them in and let them sink or swim?

...though like Plei, I'd say it falls somewhere in the middle.

Also, I suppose it's worth noting that I tipped over the guacamole a couple of times when I showed up, at least once that got me snarked about quite heavily. A good many of those people who snarked about me on that occasion are among my favorite people here, and are (from what I understand) pretty fond of me, too. So getting dressed down over guac-tipping doesn't automatically lead to ostracism, or permanent insult and humiliation on the part of the tipper.

Is it weird that I love the fact that people stand up and say, "I fell into the guacamole, and I'm still here?" It gives me a warm fuzzy, for some strange reason.

But this is just basic, basic communication skills. This isn't something unique to here, or something that people should have to be gently trained to follow.

You think it's basic because it's natural to you (or else you learned it young). There are people -- and I'm kind of like this, though less so now than a few years ago -- who will happily get into passionate, long-running arguments over whether the sky is blue or not. It takes time to realize the adrenaline rush you get from being right isn't worth the pain of constantly pissing people off. And while we aren't unique in this, we do seem to be more conflict-averse than normal as a group.

Signed, has learned that swallowing hard and scrolling on past is her friend.

Several possible reasons for this feeling. The board is about to go through a big change as the end of the Buffyverse appears nigh. In current events, the world feels on the cusp of -- some big changes in some direction or other. So, a lot of uncertainty, plus the end of a rough winter in many areas.

It's funny to me how many factors are identical to where we were last year, and how prickly we were then. I had thought about six weeks ago that revisiting my non-prolif position was in order because we don't need to worry about a flood of newbies anymore. Plus ca change...

I've hucked the guac at a wall and peed in the punch.

Still here.

Maybe with fewer friends.

I'm WRODing Plei, and adding that I'm not modifying any behavior. This is what it is.

You think it's basic because it's natural to you (or else you learned it young). There are people -- and I'm kind of like this, though less so now than a few years ago -- who will happily get into pasisonate, long-running arguments over whether the sky is blue or not.

I have an EQ of 13.

It's not natural to me. It's observed and learned, and enforced through smackdowns I've received through the years. I still often know the taste of my toes.

As for there being no such thing as tone? BS. There is tone, and yes, it may be in the eye of the beholder, but it's still a factor. My tone right now? Probably too cranky and strident, frankly. Because I'm tired, and I know things aren't going to come across quite how I mean them.

This is in the site ettiquette, by the way:

There are no short cuts to fitting in. And when you're one of eight hundred registrations and a couple of hundred active posters? The onus is going to rest entirely in your lap.

That seems to have been our thought last time we had this talk.

There is tone, and yes, it may be in the eye of the beholder, but it's still a factor.

Seconded. Choice of words also sets a tone. I (and maybe this is just me) tend to put things like "um," into my posts to show I'm being tentative.

And as much as some people look down on emoticons, I like them as substitutes for facial expression and body language.