The loss does not make me darker or more bitter, but more open, more attentive, more appreciative, kinder. Just trying to love and support as many people as I can during our short little mayfly lives.
In the decades following Steve's loss, I have not only become more appreciative, but also unshakable. No matter what life throws at me, and it certainly has tried a number of times, it will never be as traumatic and life-changing as that experience.
Right now, I am dealing with my sisters being non-stop critical of my brother's ex-wife, who has been taking care of him through his illness. They don't get it. They never took care of a terminally ill loved one. I hope they never have to experience it. They were non-stop critical of my beloved step-dad, whose loving care probably extended my mom's life by decades. I'm bracing myself, but fear I am going to have to battle with them again. She is battling bureaucracy, tending to his physical and emotional needs, and I am so grateful he has her by his side.