That sounds really awesome, David. You are such a community bringer I think it will be nice to have a live community that you are not in charge of bringing the community- you can be a receiver a little bit.

I successfully groceried at Costco and Raley’s and also got gas on the way home and I think I might be able to not spend any more money until the end of the month. I’m a little light on breakfasty things, but I can probably get by eating less specific food a few mornings. Should have enough cat food, which is the actual necessity

You are such a community bringer I think it will be nice to have a live community that you are not in charge of bringing the community- you can be a receiver a little bit.

Awww, sweetly said.

Structure and community can both be hard to build up

Very true. I was a little spoiled when I moved to SF to be accepted into a circle of friends (which is where I met Marti the Medical Student).

Then later I spent a good 15-20 years without having any close friends physically nearby (though I was married with children, so I wasn't alone).

But it's something I preach all the time - proximity matters.

But it's something I preach all the time - proximity matters.

Yes. It is a challenge I am attempting to overcome. It is going to take more effort than I anticipated. Mostly that effort involves me leaving the confines of my condo! One of my condo book club members started a happy hour gathering the 3rd Wednesday of the month here in the sports lounge. My book club meets the 2nd Wednesday. She is likewise determined to have more social interaction in our buildings.

I didn’t understand or prioritize this nearly enough. It’s something I think about a lot.

For the first twenty years or so of our business, we had a retail storefront where our regular customers would hang out, and we established many long-term friendships and socialized a lot. The neighborhood where we had our house was also a very social environment, with lots of block parties and such. People sat outside, walked, and created relationships. The last decade or so we closed the office and only work remotely, and we moved to a new city in a condo environment. The human connections have dwindled considerably and it is a real challenge to change that.

There are a few ways I could improve that. East Side Dems (east Ft. Lauderdale political group) is very active with lots of meetings and activities, including weekly protests and such. A good way to meet like-minded people. As far as condo socializing goes, if I went to the beach/pool at the same time every day I would interact with the same people daily. Same thing with the gym here, I could find the courage to put up a note for a gym buddy. See also, going to the same gym classes at the area gyms on a regular basis. I'm no longer in shape to join any of the biking or walking clubs that frequent A1A in front of my place, but maybe at some point.

And here I sit on my computer. Sigh. At least we have the condo Happy Hour BYOB gathering tonight where I will see people. And I promise to go to the pool this afternoon sometime,

I didn’t understand or prioritize this nearly enough. It’s something I think about a lot.

That's one thing I'm glad I did recognize for myself early on; even when I moved away from DC, my goal was always to move back, because this is where my closest friends are. And my family is within a few hours' drive, too, so I'm lucky.

I do really think about how to maintain connection as I age -- my goal is to be like my 87 y.-o. aunt who plays bridge several times a week, still goes to her beach house for several months out the year where she's built a whole other community + host various and sundry of her friends and family, and has good ties with her kids, me, her other nieces and nephews, grandkids, etc... and lots of her friends kids, too -- she's a multi-generational icon! (I mean, I don't have a beach house or kids, but, you know... I took a stab at learning bridge a while back!)

Anyway -- she's 30 years older than I am, and I'm 30 years older than my niece, so I have a goal of maintaining my relationship with my niece just the way my aunt did with me. She's definitely one of the most important relationships in life, and her perspective has been invaluable to me over the years.

My life is too much structure, not enough community. This is not, especially, a friendly place(Or maybe these aren't my people. Which feels greedy to say because my family is here and neighbors do help me out, but we're in different places--it's not going to get beyond chit-chat.) I think people come here to escape what came before, not to build things.(and, when I was young, it was cheap to live. Now, not so much.)

Not that I don't try...but Zoom just either isn't the same or it's all work. There's this thing that my supervisor says every Sunday about "reveling in being surrounded by people who get it," Which, you know, five years ago felt easier because a. I was just eager to talk to somebody who didn't know where my freckles are, right? and 2.I am relatively surrounded by anti-vax sentiment here, so, like, in that sense they did "get it" more. But, now, affectionate teasing of him aside, I find myself thinking "That thing that he describes...have I ever truly felt that, ever?" and I have to say mostly not. Maybe for a little while in either my biggest Crip Power period(Now that I'm not in that, I can say I was annoying and fully overcompensated in the manner of every convert, ever. As sorry as I am that we didn't fully change the world for summer '93) or in the earlier days of my time as a Buffista, when we all had more time to play. And I really do like the PDA people, but they know and like Me as Activist and they, you know, live with the other parts of my package and personality, not really that they love them. They want the machine, the one who pretends she likes showing up ten weekends in a row.

But it's something I preach all the time - proximity matters.

The changes in the city and the pandemic fucked me for this one. A critical mass of my conveniently local friends moved either moderately inconveniently far away (driveable for dinner or brunch plans, but a pain in the ass) or hope-they-have-a-guest-room far away. Combine that with the kids graduating high school and parent friends thus going empty nester, and we don't get out much these days.

I do have one good friend who's just slightly inconveniently far away, but our socializing has to work around her chemo schedule, and we have parent friends two and a half blocks away (their kid, like ours, is still in the house and going to the local community college) who we hang out with from time to time, so it's not complete isolation, but it's a lot more isolation than I had going into 2020 (ah, back when we were the ones planning to move!), I tell you what.