Also, right now I am not really feeling grief for my mother, but somehow for my grandma, who loved that house and garden. My mother’s neighbor said he could tell someone used to love the garden and I have such good memories of helping her with it as a little girl. So I am in fantasy land I think about moving home and fixing a house.
I came across my mother’s notebooks and it is clear that she has thought she was dying since 2007. She apparently was in a lot of pain. She was also increasingly paranoid and was writing down in detail every marketing call and every interaction with service people. Boy did she hate her one neighbor and I think lived to spite him, so I absolutely cannot sell to him. I think I might right now be happy for her that she is out of such pain.
And I myself have been super depressed, neglecting my health, and afraid of dying for a couple of years, so this is a real wake up call.