Happy New Year!

I've made it to 2023. I admit to some surprise.

The good news is, little has changed. My cancer is well controlled, as are blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetes.

The bad news is, little has changed. The medications I take to keep the cancer subdued have significant side effects. Fatigue is high, strength is low, stamina is low. Metabolism is low. Energy is low. Attention span is short. I have trouble remembering things.

Lymphedema in my feet and ankles comes and goes.
Neuropathy in my toes, feet, and fingers comes and goes.
Rage comes and goes.
Tears come and go.
Depression comes and goes.

The kilograms come and don't go.

I might make it to 2024. Or I might not. I dunno.

Make the most of each and every day.

{{{dcp}}} (fancy brackets, for the new year)

Hugs, dcp. Thinking about you.

dcp, that’s tremendous that you’ve kept the various issues under control. We are very glad you’re still here to beckon forth 2023! I sure hope the side effects decrease and you’re able to pull out many, many moments of joy in 2023.

Pix, I’m so glad to hear the meds your father is on are working their magic!! What a huge quality of life difference it is for both of you!

Pix, I’m so glad to hear the meds your father is on are working their magic!! What a huge quality of life difference it is for both of you!

Thanks so much, and thank you also for always being willing to listen when I needed to vent over the last two years about it.

{{{Sheryl}}}

Oof, my 'istas. Just a bunch of great, big hugs to all of you. Having a difficult year on top of pandemic years is quite an icing on a cake that nobody ordered. I'm sorry, and I love y'all.

I'll start with an apology. I only got to sent most of the cards (4/5) on Thursday, and it takes them 2-3 weeks to arrive. New job is good and a great improvement in most parts, but it also takes a lot of my time so finding the time to go to the post office was a challenge. But the real apology, I'm afraid, is for the stamps. sighs You see, darlings - for some reason, every time I try to mail something to the U.S., the post people give me these stamps: [link] I usually manage to catch that in time and ask them for less depressing stamps, but I missed it this time, and the lady at the post played a very hard level of the game of "I already handed to you these stamps, I'm not taking them back to replace them. No, there are other stamps and I will not get up from my chair to check". So, Happy New Year and happy camps' liberation day, I guess? I'm... sorry for the stamps.

The last card will be sent to its recipient in two days with the items that I got from the Old City yesterday (you know who you are! <3).

Cindy wrote in Natter: "I keep thinking about meeting so many of you in person. I keep thinking about how real — how Velveteen Rabbit — we are to one another, even people like me, who only post here and then. Anyhow, I'm glad you're real.", and this echos my feelings perfectly and beautifully. Especially upon reflecting that most of the communities I've had around me ran their courses/I left because various reasons in the past few years (I kind of wrote about it here: [link] pass: hideme). You are still here, and I appreciate this very, very, very much. You know how I have a job that actually pays money now? Some of the money I'm saving goes to "visit Buffistas fund". Meeting Jessica and Nilly was wonderful and one of the best things that happened in 2022.

In an update of my own, 2022 was a year of adjusting. I'm still adjusting, so it looks like the theme for 2023 as well. I spent late 2018-half of 2022 in stressful and demanding surroundings, took some hits, and meh'ing/belittling wins (there were wins. I just nodded, shredded them mentally and moved on to the next item on the list). I'm trying to re-teach my brain to stop processing everything as a struggle and enjoy the good stuff I earned from years of hard work or that just there along the way and shift emotional boundaries I've set years ago and no longer serve me. It'll take a while. My sister and her partner will be moving to Melbourne in a few months, and my parents are still my parents who are not connected very well to reality. Politically things here are looking grim, I'm working full time and trying to publish papers and to be more active in local progressive and mutual-aid communities, and oh, yes, I also need to remember how to date again and stop hiding from what I want. I used to joke that there is no better time to try and be soft toward others around me and to myself than living in a place that is slowly slipping into autocracy, but it is also true. There is no better time to be human to one another and to ourselves. There is only now.

So, 2023? Let's go. And much, much, much love to this place and to all of you.

The adjusting never ends. Ride the wave.

I received a card from P.M. Marc this week. Thanks very much!

Oh crap! I haven’t been out to the mailbox since I got home. Well, I expect that will make for some cherry Sunday evening reading.

I sent my exchange cards before I left but there may be some others out in the wild that are/will be in mailboxes soon. I love this new tradition.

I have received many, lovely cards... and I love that they've come throughout the season. So fun! I put them on the brick build-out in front of the (non-working) fireplace, and they are delightful.

Last year brought our household a marriage and good health out of bad, so I have huge appreciation for all of that. Ooh, and a lovely trip with friends to see other friends in Panama.

I've had several game nights, brunches, dinners and things with friends over here, which has been so much fun, and I've recently reconnected with three dear friends (two I've known since third grade, and one from college).

We've decided to stay in this rental house for the next two years. I still need to buy some more "real" furniture to make it more like a full-on home... I do not have the interior design gene, so I freeze up when it comes to choosing things. Just have to buck up and do it this year.

I continue to think every single day about everyone dealing with physical and mental health struggles and send you love and good vibes.