I can't fully process the pre-Covid bits of this year. Like, I spent two weeks in Cuba in January. That happened THIS FREAKING YEAR. It was an incredible experience and I miss it like crazy.

Some of you may know I used to be a team manager for Destination Imagination. DI is a creative problem solving team competition for kids age 3rd grade through high school. This past year (2019-2020 school year) was my first year managing a competitive team (the younger grades have challenges to solve but they aren't in competition), and it was brutal for a number of reasons. The kids on my team didn't gel, weren't engaged in the process, could not make decisions together, and pretty much everything about this past season was a fucking disaster. The only thing that kept me going for the last two months or so of the season was knowing that if we could make it to the regional tournament without anyone actually catching fire onstage, it would all be over and I'd never have to volunteer for this program again.

Naturally, tournament weekend fell at the end of finals week for my graduate program AND the same week I needed to deliver a major project at work.

All of which added up to my spending most of February and half of March reminding myself that if I could survive past March 13th, everything would be fine.

All of which is to say, I apologize profusely for my role in taunting happy fun year. I swear, I didn't know.

(The DI tournament wound up being canceled, which, honestly, just, FML)

I've been working from home since March 4th. My kids have been home from school since about a week after that. Ditto DH. Summer camp was canceled, so was our summer travel to Canada. I am living the most ridiculously privileged quarantine life imaginable - I have a job that is easily done 100% remote, an employer who is paying for my gigabit internet and whatever WFH hardware I need. My house is big enough for all 4 of us to work/school remotely in separate rooms. My kids are doing great in their virtual school environments. I am low-key depressed all the time, and even this level of human interaction is close to impossible for me. I wasn't great at person-ing before this year, now I feel like I've forgotten everything I used to know how to fake and I don't honestly know if I can relearn how. I miss social interaction SO MUCH and I have no energy to go out and get any. (I wish I could do the Zoom happy hour things, but I spend 6 hours a day on video calls for work, and you'd think at some point my phone anxiety would adjust but turns out nope, still hate it.)

Blargh. Anyway. Mememememe. Go away 2020, we don't want any more.

Like, I spent two weeks in Cuba in January.

OMG I remember you going to Cuba and that feels like a decade ago

Ironically, PBS has been doing near marathons of travel shows - Rick Steves, Great Tours, etc. ... which I think is taunting us. Kind of "look at all the cool places you can't get to". And even if we could travel, so much is closed.

Kid-specific details aside, I feel this so much:

I am living the most ridiculously privileged quarantine life imaginable - I have a job that is easily done 100% remote, an employer who is paying for my gigabit internet and whatever WFH hardware I need.... I am low-key depressed all the time, and even this level of human interaction is close to impossible for me.

My stay-at-home life is at once hella privileged and, frankly, just plain lucky (did we plan on a pandemic when we scheduled moving into the house with adequate and separate work space for both of us just a week before the lockdown started? uhhh, no) but I am fraying like mad around the edges. I'm constantly angry at the people who have given up because they're, objectively speaking, making it worse for everyone, but on an emotional level I can understand the urge to just say Fuck This.

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This was a weird, weird year. In addition to the ongoing :: gestures vaguely :: this: - Last Christmas I had a serious back spasm that resulted in an ambulance ride, an overnight stay in the hospital, and lots of really strong drugs. There were lingering effects all year, but going to regular PT seems to have gotten it to a random sometimes happening.

- A good friend had a housing crisis and a life crisis happen pretty much simultaneously. She now lives in the upstairs room (hence my references to the Madwoman in the attic), and it's fantastic. (Also, she's a pro baker, so this year has featured a steady stream of tasty noms.)

- As some of you know, I work for a company who's customers are law enforcement agencies. As soon as the protests started, our upper management strongly reinforced the company commitment to help hold agencies accountable for their actions, and to document evidence and vital information. I had never worked for a company that's actually done the hard work after making statements around community support and change, and it makes me feel pretty good about working here.

- An additional "my company is good and it weirds me out" thing: we have unlimited PTO, and the entire management chain pushes people to use it. Every few weeks my boss reminds his team that if we need to take a day off to recharge, we 100% should do that.

- Mr. Loomy is doing well, Dad is doing well, and the Kitties of Chaos are living up to their collective name.

2020 has been, well, 2020. DH and I went on the JOCO cruise the first week of March, we almost cancelled, but I’m glad we went and have that fabulous memory. I had interviewed and gotten the Para pro job in the ASD transitions program working with young adults which I had been hoping for since I subbed there almost two years ago. Schools closed on the day I was supposed to start.

Schools finally opened and we had a month of two hours of live classes in the morning, with online class in the afternoon. Then we closed again and have gone to all virtual. Many of our students have responded surprisingly well to working online, but fully one third are unable to navigate that environment and are missing out on education. Still, I have a job I love and will be happy to get back to it when we go back into the classroom. My DH lost his job (editing an auto website) at the beginning of the pandemic. This threw him onto a pretty serious bout of depression. He dealt with this by talking it out which helped and by deciding to exercise, and he is in better shape than he’s been in for a decade. We ate up our savings and went into a bit of debt until he got another job just last month, but he is now making more than he was and is excited about his new position and the people he works with.

Lost two of my beloved Aunts and and an Uncle and my father in-law this year. That generation is slipping away and it’s very sad. Not being able to gather with family to honor them sucked.

I have been in better touch with old friends online and on zoom and that has been great. Even depressed, my DH is excellent company and we’ve not grown bored with each other during quarantine. We have binge watched endless hours of Scandinavian Noir and true crime, leavened by “The Repair Shop” and we take long rides trying to discover new towns whenever we feel housebound. I feel endlessly lucky to share life with him.

Thank you, Buffistas, for your good counsel, your many and fascinating enthusiasms, your humor and your deeply generous hearts.

Just a driveby post.

We received a digital Christmas card from a vendor in India who wished us "Season's Greetings. Here's to a cheerful holiday and a fresh 2021." I don't know why I find that so charming but I do. Maybe the mental picture of a landscape just washed by rain, with everything all clean and full of possibilities. So I wish all of us a Fresh 2021!

I'm glad I got to spend a week in the LA area in February, first for a family wedding, then a couple days in Disneyland, and then a con. It was a great trip, and given those three events, I'm incredibly glad that no one was sick or got sick.

The rest of the year, yeah. The other great thing to happen was getting hired full-time by the place I'd been contracting with. It's a great relief to have benefits again, a few months before COBRA ran out. My coworkers are sensible people, my manager is great, and they haven't had a tech writer on the team before, so there's a lot of stuff I can contribute quickly, and there's a lot of variety.

My family has escaped any serious illness. I miss singing in a choir and eating in restaurants. I miss seeing my friends and the places we usually go. Husband has a covid risk factor, so I'm hoping that that he at least will get the vaccine soon. Same for our parents.

May next year be better.

Oh, and naturally I forgot the other sort of big thing but not really big? Over the course of about a month, I figured out that I was bisexual and came out to my husband and friends. Still married, no plans to change that, and no plans to tell my family, just because of privacy. Weird to have that kind of revelation which means nothing but also means a lot? Mostly it's meant more thirsting over women with my pan friend.