Now, I can hold a note for a long time...actually I can hold a note forever. But eventually that's just noise. It's the change we're listening for. The note coming after, and the one after that. That's what makes it music.

Host ,'Why We Fight'


Goodbye and Good Riddance 2020: Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Year

Take stock, reflect, butch, moan, vent. We are all here for it.


megan walker - Jan 12, 2021 9:38:26 pm PST #109 of 124
"What kind of magical sunshine and lollipop world do you live in? Because you need to be medicated."-SFist

Events keep interrupting my sitting down and posting about 2020. How very 2020.

But I finally decided to just dive in and do it because who the hell knows what will happen next. And there are some things I can say here that I didn't say here: [link]

For me, 2020 was a mixed blessing. I feel very fortunate, but also completely exhausted and very angry.

My year was dominated by the work project from hell. The client was demanding, the project management horrible, and the schedule constantly shifting. The only upside was being paid by the hour. So, for the first time since I started this self-employed venture 8 years ago and initially depleted my emergency fund, I’ve been able to build it back up again. However all this work meant I dropped off the face of the earth for weeks at a time and just couldn’t keep up with social networks, including here.

Otherwise, having a lot of work meant that staying home wasn’t really a challenge in and of itself; however, given the added stress of the pandemic, I had a really hard time focusing on anything, which only compounded my work stress. And then there were various home invasions (fleas! mold!) as well as medical stuff (sonograms! biopsies!) that just seemed overwhelming to deal with while in lockdown (especially with no car and what amounts to no public transit). I'm thankful these issues seem to be behind me now. Though a mouse ran into my apartment just today so, again, who knows?

The one huge upside to this difficult year has been having the Math Greek here full time. For one, I am so glad he isn’t in L.A. because I would be worrying about him constantly. Given the size of my apartment, I wasn’t sure how being together 24-7 would play out, but it has been remarkably smooth, beyond the mostly self-imposed burden of “OMG, what are we going to eat tonight?” I’m not sure where we’ll go from here, but it looks like we won’t have many other options for at least the next few months in any case.

Which leaves me with where I ended up at the end of 2020, happy to have a bit of breathing room after an exhausting year, generally looking forward to 2021 (and hopefully reconnecting with people, reading and relaxing more, getting back to blogging, etc.), but really, really angry with all the fuckery around the election and the pandemic and those who have caused all this to be so much worse than it needed to be. And that was before this nightmare of a week.

My heart goes out to all those who have suffered losses of any kind this year and mad respect to those who’ve had to get through this with far more responsibilities than I have had.

I miss the Buffistas and hope to be a more than a random delurker in the coming year.


meara - Jan 13, 2021 7:29:54 am PST #110 of 124

Aww, hi megan walker! Fingers crossed the mouse is a random occurrence and not the start of an invasion, yikes.


-t - Jan 13, 2021 7:41:46 am PST #111 of 124
The real axe murderers were the friends we made along the way

Hi megan walker! It's good to catch up with you a little bit - the good parts sound pretty darn good, sorry about the less good (those we all share and those specific to you)

ETA also dig your Journal of a Plague Year, megan. Every time I read your blog I tell myself I should make it a habit but I haven't been able to follow through...


megan walker - Jan 13, 2021 9:07:23 am PST #112 of 124
"What kind of magical sunshine and lollipop world do you live in? Because you need to be medicated."-SFist

Aww, hi megan walker! Fingers crossed the mouse is a random occurrence and not the start of an invasion, yikes.

The funny thing about the mouse is, a neighbor saw it run into my apartment and knocked on the door to tell me. As I went to the door, I saw it (and screamed) and soon got it to go back the way it came (through a gap in the corner of the door) as my neighbor then ran away. It was freaky to see exactly how a mouse flattens itself, let me tell you. We do get the occasional mouse in the basement so I guess this one found its way up one floor. Anyway, they've already come to put traps downstairs and will now finally close up the gap that has always been at the bottom of my door. My building management has always generally been good, but it is amazing what going down to only 80% occupancy in late summer has done for their responsiveness to this sort of thing.

ETA also dig your Journal of a Plague Year, megan. Every time I read your blog I tell myself I should make it a habit but I haven't been able to follow through...

Thanks, -t! Since I had like a half dozen posts last year, it would have been an easy year to keep up with it! Luckily the two major projects I have lined up for 2021 are both known quantities client-wise, so I am hopeful that I can keep up with blogging this year.


Shir - Jan 13, 2021 1:27:13 pm PST #113 of 124
"And that's why God Almighty gave us fire insurance and the public defender".

Hello, all. Lovely seeing you. My previous post of me-needing-to-go-back-and-read-thoroughly is still very much the case, but I also wanted to thank the other card senders that I received in the past [I wanna say two weeks, but I fear I am no longer cognizant about the passing of time]: Pix and ND, Barb, sj, Brenda, and Calli. Thank you all. I love this tradition.

And the semester will be over next week, so I'm crossing fingers that after the next weekend I'll have the time to properly read this thread and respond. Probably in chunks. Sorry, again.


Steph L. - Jan 13, 2021 1:32:43 pm PST #114 of 124
It's actually been a really hard year, when you stop and do the math. Eliot would cry, too, if it didn't take him seventy minutes of therapy, two cocktails, and a Sondheim medley before he can experience a human emotion through the haze of his PTSD.

Oh, shit, I still need to send holiday cards. Sorry, my 5 assigned people! I swear I'll get them out before Groundhog Day.


askye - Jan 13, 2021 2:17:56 pm PST #115 of 124
Thrive to spite them

Steph you aren't the only one...


juliana - Jan 13, 2021 2:21:15 pm PST #116 of 124
Tell me the ghost in the machine is real

Count me in the boat of needing to send out cards. The focus, it is not strong.


amych - Jan 13, 2021 2:58:09 pm PST #117 of 124
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?

I too need to send cards. The new year doesn't actually start until inauguration day, right?


Laura - Jan 14, 2021 8:25:43 am PST #118 of 124
I didn't know how to respond to the bat-shit crazy. And then I realized I didn't have to. -Victor Infante

Oh 2020, why you have to be that way? The world was pretty much a shitshow for 2020, but I have to focus on the highlights. We did elect a sane president who will take office in a few days. We did get vaccines developed, which said sane president will actually get into people's arms. That is about it. I have hope that 2021 will be a good year.

Looking inward it was a pretty good year. Both Brendon and I remain healthy and have turned our focus to becoming healthier as we get to be even older folks. We were already working from home so not a big change. He still went out a lot to customer offices and shopping trips, but as the elder here I pretty much stayed home. He has been very cautious and has been tested many times. I'd already developed a love for grocery delivery so again, no big changes there. That said, I am an extrovert and social person who really really wants to go out and hug people! Sigh.

My sons are both happy and healthy. Brendon and his girlfriend came to NY with me for the summer to escape the Covid horrors of Florida. They loved staying in Otter Lake, and I didn't kill them while they lived with me. Seriously, I am so over living with adult children. He got a good paying job and a super cute and cheap apartment and they are stable and doing okay. This is the first time in his 29 years that he is truly independent and now has me on autopay to pay me $100 a week to pay off the many years of support I provided after he should have been independent.

Bobby and Tate delivered a healthy son about 5 weeks early, which means 2020 stimulus checks and tax credits for that wee one! He was tiny and they had a time keeping him awake to eat and fatten up the first week or so, but now he is eating and growing like crazy. They are sleep deprived and happy parents. They both work for Tesla and have accumulated stock bonuses for years so that is pretty sweet too.

I have issues with my kids, as is normal I suppose in this life. Bottom line, they are both happy and independent. I did my job. DH is as awesome as ever. It will be 33 years of 24/7 living and working together this year and I still enjoy his company. My kids need to be mindful of their health, but they are happy and healthy and prospering. No matter what horrors 2020 threw at me, as long as my family is well I can deal.