Do people remember me talking about my nephew D ages ago? We’ll he just graduated from college cum laude with a BS in applied mathematics!

Super impressive for a regular aged college grad, but he's, what? Maybe ten? Way to go, kiddo!

health~ma hippocampus

No ornaments on the tree yet, but I'm happy just to look at our joint light-stringing for a while first.

Every time we decorated the tree, once the lights we on, my mom would always say, "It's perfect like this. It doesn't need another thing." And now every time, I decorate a tree, I take a little pause when the lights are on, and hear her say it in my heart. Speaking of grief.

I read something recently about how cultural pressure to pack the dead away and not feel them in your life is a fairly recent and fairly American thing (and also not entirely healthy, as the people and creatures and places you grieve for are what made you you).

I think grief is good, even though it feels bad, because it's a reminder of who we are and where we came from and what we value...and that's exactly why it hits at weird times.

Signed, once had to pull over when La Isla Bonita came on the radio and unlocked grief I didn't know I had in me for a dead friend and I still have no idea why that song

I just had hot cider and I recommend the experience.

I'm so glad Emmett could come down to get the xmas tree yesterday. We've been going to the same place since he was literally in his stroller and he would help carry the tree by holding on to the tip of it.

Now, of course, he can lug the whole thing on his shoulder, but it was fun filming him and Matilda carry it home on a dreary day. And the stockings are up, and the lights are on (but not the ornaments).

I did the sink full of dishes, cleaned the burner where the turkey stew boiled over, made myself my favorite omelette (diced onions sauteed in butter, diced ham and feta).

Now I'm listening to Phil Spector's xmas record, while JZ is out shopping and Matilda sleeps in.

Hec, how is Emmett's roommate's girlfriend? Did she end up having Covid? Is she okay, now?

Oh Volans, I'm just picturing that. I agree with you that grief is good. I don't think our culture is all that good at grieving, either.

I was 35, almost 36 when my father died. By then I'd had a lot of death in my life. I remember thinking of the the loss as a hole. The hole never goes away, but you learn where it is and how to navigate around it, but sometimes you fall in, and sometimes you dive in head first. (And by "you," I mean me.)

All of that is okay, by the way, JZ.

After he died, someone bought my dad's car off my mom (unlike your dad's car, it was nothing special, just a late 1980s blue Buick Regal). I saw it around town a couple of times (Dad had a little sticker with the Lion Rampant of Scotland on the back, so I knew it was his), and it choked me up. I still remember seeing it up close, after we'd had dinner at local seafood restaurant on Main St., in the town where I grew up (Turner's in Melrose, for the locals). The parking lot is a shared one behind that block of stores. We came through the alley and there was Dad's car. It made me sad, but being close enough to touch it unsettled me more than I could explain.

Every time we decorated the tree, once the lights we on, my mom would always say, "It's perfect like this. It doesn't need another thing." And now every time, I decorate a tree, I take a little pause when the lights are on, and hear her say it in my heart. Speaking of grief.

What a beautiful memory, Susan.

Hi everyone. Miss you. I’ve been pretty much off the board for the last two weeks and am just now catching up. Hugs and -ma and love to all who need it. In addition to school, I’ve been dealing with my dad’s continuing cognitive issues from 3000 miles away. I would normally just fly out there to help with paperwork and such, but that’s impossible right now. Sigh.

Oh, Sue, what a lovely, tender memory.

{{{{{ }}}}} to everyone experiencing grief and holding their memories.

Aside from the personal loss and grief I haven't really missed all that much of the outside world while locked down, but one ritual I desperately missed was the tree of remembrance at my church--all of November is set aside for remembrance of our beloved dead, the altar is covered with a cloth inscribed with the names of most of the parishioners who've passed, and a bare-limbed tree stands in a corner of the building and people can write the names of the remembered dead on little paper leaves to hang on the tree. Anyone who wants can add a name; you don't have to be Catholic or even a believer in anything, you just have to remember and love someone who's gone and want to put their name out into the world again. So every year until this year I'd write the names of my beloved friends and family, and the beloveds of any Buffista or FB friend who remembered someone. It was sad but it always felt like such an honor and a gift to write down all the names, think of the people who'd asked for those names and what the people behind those names meant to them, and fill the tree with autumn leaves--a ritual made for loss and elegy, canceled for the year that needs it most.

So I don't have any details, but I swear I just saw something that even making up new rituals can be valuable. You might find somewhere to write names this year.

Cindy, thank you for posting that link. Made me cry and feel better. Humans can be pretty awesome.

Timelies all!

Hugs to all who want and/or need them.

We have switched Mr. S to the extended release form of Adderall, in hope to avoid the meltdowns that have been occurring around the time a dose of the regular form starts wearing off.