I have a Goodhousekeeping book of brownie and bars that has the absolutely best brownie recipes in it.

I just ordered my Buffista holiday cards, and they are the dumbest and dorkiest thing ever and I am cackling over them. They should all go out Monday.

ION, I watched the first trailer for the new Bob Odenkirk white-guy-on-a-vengeance-rampage movie and it hit me hard, sideways, in a way I couldn't possibly have predicted: at about 25 seconds in, he's talking with a friend or neighbor in the friend/neighbor's driveway, and they're standing in front of what looks like a white 1970 Plymouth Barracuda that's a near-perfect twin to the car my dad loved more than any other car he'd ever owned, which my brothers and I sold to a collector in Colorado a couple of months ago.

We'd all neglected that poor car for ages; it was infinitely too high maintenance and too powerful for any of us; there was no conceivable reason to keep it when there was someone else out there who wanted it and would love it and put it to good use; but still, just seeing a couple of seconds of its twin in the background of the trailer for three seconds gutted me. I spent so many drowsy nights in the deep bucket backseats, coming home from one family gathering or another, while my parents murmured in the front seat and the car grumbled all around us, and suddenly out of absolutely nowhere it feels like I betrayed the car and I want to curl up and cry because of a stupid white-dude-vengeance movie trailer.

Grief is unpredictable and DUMB, y'all. Do not recommend.

{{{JZ}}}

Aw, I just got notified that my recent blood donation (which doesn't seem that recent, but time is funny like that right now) was sent to a hospital for someone who needs a transfusion. I love this new feature!

So many hugs to you JZ. Grief is so hard and can clobber you when you least expect it. I've been knocked over by it many times regarding both of my parents. We are here for you.

Grief is unpredictable and DUMB, y'all. Do not recommend.

AGREED.

Timelies all!

{{{JZ}}}

My honorary aunt and uncle both have Covid. My Aunt J is my mother’s oldest friend in the world who she has known since kindergarten. She’s known my Uncle P since high school. Aunt J seems to be doing okay, but Uncle P was already in the hospital about a month ago with heart problems and he is back in the hospital now because his oxygen got so low that he had a heart attack. They are truly two of the kindest people I know. Any ~ma you can spare.

Oh no -- best wishes to them.

{{JZ}} {{sj}} {{Buffistas in general because fuck it everyone gets safe hugs right now}}

Which gives me the opportunity, after a five minute introduction to suss the direction of my initial visit, to fix the doctor with a pleasant but firm and direct gaze, and intone, "Let's pretend for the moment that I am a woman of this specific age, with these accrued conditions, and that I AM NOT FAT. Now, how would you advise me?" Hopefully if they are impelled by patient minute limits to adhere to 'arm fell off because FAT' diagnoses, a frank moment of arrest might buy me more realistic assessment.

I just went to a new doctor - the first time since moving to Austin - and we were chatting generally about my health background and at one point she started mentioning that it would probably be good if I could get my BMI to under 30 and I literally started laughing, and was like, yeah, no. That's absolutely not happening. She looked a little confused for a minute but then just went with it.

Hugs to JZ, sj, and Shir.

Christmas stuff- we have a tree, which is nice. I think I'll be cooking Beef Wellington for Tom and me, should be a fun 3-day project (according the the Cooks Illustrated recipe I'll be using.)

I'm always down around the holidays, but this year it's weird/sucky to see, like, everyone down here with me. It almost makes me feel less sad by comparison.