It's been pointed out by several people that those who won't get the vaccine (they don't trust the medical system) and get sick then go to the hospital and trust the medical system to take care of them. jeepers

The owner of the place where we rented the RV (who had a big Trump 2020 sticker on his printer, ugh) said that he's not getting vaccinated because he has an autoimmune disease and the vaccination will make the autoimmune disease worse. My eyes bugged out like a cartoon character, but I didn't bother to launch into a diatribe about all the ways he's wrong. At this point, I just feel like, fuck it; anti-vaxxers are going to believe what they want, right up until they're on a ventilator, so I am not wasting my goddamn energy on them.

Ugh. It has been a rough day—was supposed to have a 7am call (which is bad enough). But when I came downstairs I discovered something very strong/hard had hit my window in the middle of the night and utterly shattered it, so there was/is glass everywhere. Picked up as much as I could and called a few places—everyone has said “we can fix it in 3-4 weeks/6-8 weeks/we aren’t taking new clients for a few months”. Fuuuuuck me. And I got yelled at in a client meeting which was no fun and finally managed to go to the store to get some bread to hopefully pick up the many pieces pn the floor I won’t even be able to see….

Omg just read that guy who got covid in Ecuador and decided to fly home contagious and lie to everyone. What a piece of work. Even if you did that, which you absolutely shouldn’t, bragging about it on the internet is not the right move. If you really wanted to be treated elsewhere you shouldn’t have gone to Ecuador in a pandemic (with the less-effective J&J too!) or you should’ve got travel insurance with medical evacuation covered.

That's certainly a no good very bad day, meara. I'm sorry.

I am exhausted with this semester already. HR hasn't onboarded a bunch of students, so I have been cutting library hours, the students won't wear their masks in the library and two of my staff went for a COVID test today.

I am just tired to my core. I get up each day and I push through, but let me tell you, the mental exhaustion of worrying about getting my business and my staff paid and through this...just all of this past year and a half mentally burned me out. Then it's been followed by work not just picking up, but floodgates opening, which is good, but also has downsides. I feel like I finished running a marathon and then immediately got tasked with running wind sprints with no real finish line in sight.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have work back. I'm very worried about the fact that it's based on live events in light of what's happening with delta, but at least I can keep paying my staff and my bills.

So yeah, I'm exhausted. Beyond exhausted.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. I just needed to get that out.

Timelies all!

Apparently there was a major thunderstorm last night that I slept through. Also a tornado watch this afternoon. Fun, fun, fun.

I was telling my therapist yesterday that I don't feel stressed at work particularly, but on my days off I just want to sleep all day or have no desire to really do anything...and then I asked if it was possible to be stressed and just not feel it at the time? I can't remember what he said. It just feels like I'm numb. Numb and then tired. I just had 3 days off in a row and I just wanted to sleep through those three days. I mean I wanted to do other things but I was also really sleepy.

I also talked to the meds dr about rejection sensitivity dysphoria and for now she wants me to double my cymbalta dose (I was taking the minimum) and see how that helps. And go back to taking trazadone every night to help with sleep.

Although today I did get a moment of "thank god I'm not a parent"- one of my cousin's had a bunch of deliveries from Amazon today, her daughter (I think the youngest, she didn't specify) got on Amazon and found a bunch of stuff she liked and just kept clicking Buy It Now...to the tune of $3000.

askye, yikes to your cousin, and hugs to you. I hope the med adjustment helps.

ND, vibing restorative-sleep vibes in your direction because I don't know what else to do. You've spent the last year and a half juggling flaming bowling balls not only without a break but with the occasional extra flaming ball tossed at you for no reason except that the universe is kind of an asshole, and somehow you haven't dropped any, and you deserve a medal and a solid month of hibernation.

So far, the place at Tahoe seems safe--amazingly, the firefighters and snow machines throwing snow at the flames and snowplows commandeered into throwing up dirthills have managed to push the Caldor Fire back from where it was this morning. It's now headed toward the site of the Tamarack Fire, which was itself awful but is finally dwindling and really has no fuel left at the end closest to the Caldor. And the wind's about to shift and the temperature's about to drop. I still don't feel any particular attachment to the Tahoe house in its current incarnation, but the town itself is a living place full of interesting oddballs and surrounded by interesting wildlife and I want them all to stay safe, and it's beginning to look like there's a chance that they will. There'll still be a lot of work to do to plan against the next fire, because there will be one, but at least now it looks slightly possible that there will still be a town and a national forest to do the work and the planning.