Tep, IJWTS I am so sorry you are feeling shame about the mold. And I'm sorry about the mold, but I am so angry at the world for creating all this shame about it. I hope the remediation is not too bad an experience and just a lot of love to you and Tim
Thank you! We had a long conversation about how we've both been kind of downplaying -- and really, really can't afford to downplay anymore -- the fact that we both have (1) chronic illnesses, (2) executive dysfunction, and (3) depression and anxiety. Oh, and bonus Covid. And all of that means that there is some stuff we just can't do anymore (his joints are fucked and my back will exit the building for days if I get on my hands and knees to scrub hard-to-reach spots on the bathroom and kitchen floors), and some stuff (depression, executive dysfunction) that means we just need some help. We've both been working our asses off the past few years and can easily afford to hire a cleaner on a regular basis (after the mold remediation/deep cleaning), so we're going to do that.
It's just hard to admit there's shit we can't do, especially when it's basic household maintenance stuff. But it is what it is. And we still do what we can do; we just can't do everything.
The hoarding is a little harder*, and we had a talk about him getting some therapy, and he's considering it. I'll keep pushing the idea.
*(He has to get rid of -- and is -- most of the hoard in the office. But getting rid of the physical stuff doesn't address the underlying issue. And he knows that. It's just a lot for him to process.)
If you cannot make your own household maintenance, store-bought is ok
Which is something I also need to work on accepting, but kudos to you for finding a path forward! If it would help, you can always tell Tim the invisible people in the box support therapy in email.
Yes, indeed - what -t said.
Hah I am so lazy I’m like “I can hire someone to clean my house, where otherwise I might almost never clean? Sign me up!” But that sucks about the mold Teppy.
It's just hard to admit there's shit we can't do, especially when it's basic household maintenance stuff.
Kristin and I have had a house cleaner for as long as we've been together and it's the best thing we've ever done. Twice a month the house is clean. It's one of the things we find a way to keep even when money gets really tight. It's not about us not being able to do the work, it's about find a place where we can release that responsibility. I think it's some of the best money we spend, and I honestly think it's a help for our relationship. No matter what, every two weeks the kitchen and bathrooms with be sparkling. It's not that it's work we can't do, it just means that we know that it's done and we don't have to ask who didn't do what.
On the mold front, it sucks, but it's not your fault. In our old place we had a mold problem crop up that was so bad we had to move out of the house for most of a month while they tore open walls to fix it. There was a small leak around the tub in the bathroom that we didn't realize was happening and the mold had been building in the walls for years. It's just one of those things that can happen in a house. We've also dealt with mice in this house, and rats in our old place. It's just part of living.
Timelies all!
We had housecleaners who came in every other week, but then the pandemic hit. 2 cats who shed + 1 kindergarden-age kid who refuses to clean up after himself + 2 adults who usually don't have the spoons at the end of the day to deal with cleaning = one messy house.
First shot scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, finally. What an incredible relief.
If you cannot make your own household maintenance, store-bought is ok
WROD. If it wasn't that moving everything in order to hire a deep cleaning service pretty much equals put it all in storage, we'd be getting quotes right now. As it is, if/when we eventually sell this place and move, hiring a cleaning service for every other week will happen.
If it wasn't that moving everything in order to hire a deep cleaning service pretty much equals put it all in storage, we'd be getting quotes right now.
Yeah, I don't know what kind of logistics the deep cleaning is going to entail. We might have to move stuff into storage and/or temporarily move into an apartment. But it has to happen, so it will, one way or the other.
