Because nothing says Xmas spirit like forcing your family to visit you.
Fa la la la la, la la la la!
I just had a giant, mostly unexpected stress mountain thrown onto my shoulders: Alex is supposed to be getting his first two years of college for free through Seattle Promise, and this was his first quarter as a full-time student. Unfortunately, due to a series of unfortunate events that were about 60% the college and the Seattle Promise program not communicating requirements and expectations clearly and 40% Alex not advocating for himself or responding timely to certain notifications he's received, he's now kicked out of the program.
We're on the hook for this quarter's tuition, which is fortunately not that big of a thing for us in our current financial circumstances. ::knocks wood that that doesn't change:: And he should be able to reapply to the program and get the scholarship restored.
The problem is he's angry (justifiably) and not even sure he wants to try again. He definitely wants to skip winter quarter. We've told him that his options are to spend that time getting everything in order so he can start again in spring quarter or to get a job. And he's an adult and it's his choice.
But internally I'm all, But you HAVE to go to college! Nothing is more important to your future than a good education. And you're so, so smart! You can't let that go to waste! And part of that is my own intellectual pride and elitism at work--I fully recognize that. Those questions from friends and family about what Alex is up to are going to be awkward to answer if I can't say something like, "He's taking classes at North with the goal of finishing his bachelor's at UW."
But it also scares me to think of Alex just kind of being adrift because of what that means for his future. I don't want him stuck in dead-end jobs. I want him to have a comfortable life, with the space and resources to do the art he loves even if it's never what pays the bills. I want him to be able to afford life in this nice, safe, liberal but very expensive city if that's what he continues to want.
I know this is all a struggle for him because he seems to have inherited Dylan's ADHD and mine combined, and without the competitive streak that helped me stay focused throughout my school years. I also think the pandemic hit at exactly the wrong time for him, since he was on lockdown and Zoom school at precisely the point he should've been gradually building independence and self-reliance. Basically, despite being 19 and quite mature in some ways, he just wasn't ready for college yet. And I'm scared, and because I'm a mom, feeling guilty in about a dozen different ways.