Mom! Dead people are talking to you. Do the math!

Buffy ,'Showtime'


Natter 77: I miss my friends. I miss my enemies. I miss the people I talked to every day.

Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.


Beverly - Jan 23, 2021 5:06:35 pm PST #2699 of 29425
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.

I've never been so grateful to my DS and son when after my mom died they went through every closet and cupboard and kitchen cabinet and threw out anything moth-or-other varmint chewed, anything cracked or broken--but not ugly. I told them if it was sound, save the ugly, someone might want it. We put the yellow damask with crimson brush fringe along the cushion edges and 8-inch crimson bullion fringe along the bottom on the street and it was gone in 15 minutes. The chrome and yellow formica dining table and the matching chairs--unfortunately recovered so they no longer matched--were also gone before we knew it. I added some dishes and things we no longer used or wanted, and took a few things she'd had from my g'ma, aunts, and her own, from back when she was whimsical. And then I called a friend who has her own ebay store, plus booths at a couple of local "antiques" malls, and she took nearly everything with the deal that she listed monitored the sales, shipped, and collected the fees, and we split the proceeds 50/50. After the first year she still had stuff and I wrote it off--whatever she got for it she could keep. And the rest went to Goodwill. Another friend was a Steiff and artist-made bear collector, who also had her own ebay store. I culled my collection pretty severely and left the culls with her, same deal, 50/50 split. I did write and ask her to return two bears I missed--the rest she kept, or sold, or traded, and she sent money, until I told her not to bother.

I hauled tarot decks, deck-and-book sets, boxes, and other paraphernalia to a local metaphysical shop, which was a hub of paganinity of various types. I'd been a client since she had a tiny closet-sized shop downtown, and had followed her and the store through two moves, was a frequent buyer and an even more frequent drop-in shopper. Rather than evaluate each piece, she made me an offer for everything and I took it--it was stuff I didn't want any more and I knew somebody would love *everything* in the pile and it would continue to entertain whoever wound up with it. I didn't have to haul it cross-country in the move, and I got a little cash out of it.

I think we brought most of the books--we did cull the MMPBs--and then culled them here. H hauled 11 moving boxes of books to the municipal library, lots of handyman books and recent popular fiction. The librarians were happy to see what he brung 'em, and whatever didn't go into the secondhand section got saved for the semi-annual Friends of the Library sales.

I'm looking at a ton of business clothes of a certain size, and really leaning toward Goodwill. I just don't have the energy to track down places that offer interview clothes for plus sizes to donate to. Those linen blazers, though, and the beaded and embroidered and damask vests/waistcoats... I know they're out of fashion, but some outlier could found a unique outfit on something like that. ...Not my circus anymore.


Laura - Jan 24, 2021 7:21:06 am PST #2700 of 29425
Our wings are not tired.

The boys are no help at all because one would keep everything and the other would toss everything! I'm really in a zone to do this. My sorting is Donate/Keep for use/Keep in storage/ Keep to go north(including for son)/Give to friends or family here/Sell/Trash. I don't want the kids to have to deal with it when I am gone. We'll see how it goes.


lisah - Jan 24, 2021 9:26:40 am PST #2701 of 29425
Punishingly Intricate

My parents are suddenly moving *this* week. They've been talking about it for a while, and last fall started talking to a realtor about selling their place, but I didn't think they'd really be moving until spring. But they saw an apartment they liked in Frederick (where my brother and family live) a couple of weeks ago and decided to take it. My dad really needs to be in a one-story place so that will be a relief for sure. And not drawing out the moving process is good for everyone. Both my brothers and I are able to take time off this week to help pack so it's not all on my mom. Bob and I dealt with most of their books last fall. And my MD brother and I cleaned out the basement and a good bit of the garage in fall 2019. My folks aren't hoarders at all or anything, still, they've been in the house for 40+ years. It's a lot. My mom and I packed up the china cabinet yesterday which took a good 3 1/2 hours and I'm totally exhausted. I'm taking today off but will go back up tomorrow and Wednesday (their moving day). It's also the day they are getting their COVID vaccine out in Frederick.

I'm not super happy they decided to move out there vs stay in Wilmington or move here but I can't talk to my Mom about that. I don't want her to think she made a bad decision. I just feel like I never got to talk to her about the benefits of moving here because she never talked about considering a move away from Wilmington and I didn't want to pressure her. Clearly my brother had no reservations about presenting Frederick as their best option. And they'll be fine there. My brother and his wife will take care of them and it's a lovely town. And it's a lease.

Ugh. I'm mostly relieved and happy they are moving but am also sad and angry and there's nothing I can really do except pretend I'm ok with everything. (Pretend with my parents, that is, obviously I can talk to Bob and my friends like you all about it, thank dog.)


Laura - Jan 24, 2021 9:45:30 am PST #2702 of 29425
Our wings are not tired.

That is quick, and a lot!


Sparky1 - Jan 24, 2021 10:31:19 am PST #2703 of 29425
Librarian Warlord

My parents cleaned out a lot of stuff when they sold the house in NY, but my sisters and I joke about the weird garage sale we're going to have to have someday (hunting rifles, fishing poles, fabric scraps) and what we can take to the antiques road show (things we find in the back of the freezer, e.g. retired Ben & Jerry's flavors).

When my mother asked what I wanted her to save out of my stuff, I named a few things, but then figured anything I couldn't remember could go.

My DH is a pack-rat, and everything is sentimental to him, no matter how broken. So long as it doesn't attract bugs or vermin, I just let him have it in his corner of the basement because it isn't a fight worth having. He still has his collection of high school math textbooks because he might need them someday. Reminding him that there are two math PhDs in the family who can get him a new textbook if he really needs one hasn't convinced him to part with what he's got.


Calli - Jan 24, 2021 11:24:53 am PST #2704 of 29425
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul—Calvin and Hobbs

Well, I hope the move goes well, Lisa, but I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to advocate for something closer to you.

I think sometimes things are less intrinsically valuable and more a touchstone for times, hopes, and plans that may have been derailed. I still have my books from my flying lesson days, even though the unexpected medical issues mean I’ll never be able to do that again. I guess the key is making the touchstones rare and, ideally, small. I should probably winnow it down to one book, and the smallest of the lot.


msbelle - Jan 24, 2021 12:08:47 pm PST #2705 of 29425
I remember the crazy days. 500 posts an hour. Nubmer! Natgbsb

Wow Lisa that is fast. Sorry it is further away.


Shir - Jan 24, 2021 12:26:09 pm PST #2706 of 29425
"And that's why God Almighty gave us fire insurance and the public defender".

In pretty good political news from here (a rare one!): Merav Michaeli, feminist politician to the core and an excellent parliamentarian, just won her party's primary elections. She's the only woman to head a party, even though the current situation of her party is pretty grim (there's another woman who is leading a parliamentary group, who isn't getting enough votes to become a party). I don't think I'll vote for her party because they're not as progressive as I'd like them to be, but it's certainly good news.

Roommate will be leaving next Thursday, and I realized that I really want someone else to move in here as soon as possible (first people to see the place will be coming this week). I always preferred living with someone to living alone, but with the lack of socialization this year and too many inside thoughts I don't want to live on my own. It will be too lonely.


meara - Jan 24, 2021 12:34:19 pm PST #2707 of 29425

I enjoy being able to be like "oh I think I have a [cable/battery/sharpie/piece of cloth] for that!" and having a lot of stuff. BUT, I think the key is I'm not attached to the vast majority of it. I have a lot of bakeware, but I'm not attached to that particular bakeware, just like having it handy. So I feel like if I needed to, I'd be fine without the vast majority of the stuff. My issues are mostly regarding clothes/shoes, which are a little harder to replace with exact/very similar things, sometimes.

Had zoom book club this morning--only five of us on, and only one had finished the book--I got halfway, and another person was like, a chapter away from the end. We're usually better than that! I miss book club in person with pastries and mimosas and hanging out.


Jesse - Jan 24, 2021 1:27:49 pm PST #2708 of 29425
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.

Oh wow, Lisa, I can't imagine having to move that quickly! I have told my mother not to worry about cleaning out the attic because when she dies, I'll just hire a dumpster and some movers, but that wouldn't work if she were moving!