Oh, good, msbelle, that's what I hoped. Much louder congratulations!

Yay new job msbelle! I’m jealous except I don’t want to have to apply or interview for new jobs. I just want to magically make money without dealing with my job.

I'm glad to hear that, because I know connection is your lifeblood. And I don't mean passive connection, like "Oh, I know this person," but connection as a consciously chosen action has always seemed like such a foundational part of who you are.

That's certainly true though I don't know if I would have articulated it like that.

It still feels like a magic trick I learned in college. "So if I like somebody and think they're interesting, I can make plans with them and talk about stuff and be curious about them, and support them and they support me and it's fun? And then we're friends?"

In my immediate post-college years my whole life was organized around waiting past midnight to make long distance calls, and long involved correspondences and spending my tax refund on going to visit friends.

I maintained that for a long time until EM and I got divorced, which caused a massive breach and retreat into myself.

During Lockdown I did spend a lot of time making CARE packages for people - often people I only knew tangentially. A friend of a friend who I'd chatted with on FB, or somebody who came on my Tom Waits' tour or the wife of a college friend, or somebody's daughter I'd shown around SF etc. I really enjoyed that.

The recent focus has been more on building in-person relationships with people in closer proximity to me. It's been huge having my friend Jes living only five blocks away. I haven't had a close friend living nearby in 20 years! It's so nice to just shoot a text and say, "I'm walking past your house, do you want to grab a glass of wine?"

And some of my parent-friends from Matilda's relationships have grown into their own thing with regular get togethers (Michelle, Rick and Janet, Stephanie).

Some of Jacqueline's close friends too (Lisa, Marta, Charlotte) have built bonds with me. Marta - Matilda's godmother - is coming over on Thursday to make Hungarian Mushroom Soup with me.

Plus, Buffistae, of course! I have lunch plans with Sylvie and Julianna I'll be cashing in soon.

Making plans with friends who've drifted out of my life because they moved to the Easty Bay (Lauren, Joce, Cecily).

Deepening family relationships (Crystal, Nicole, Brandon, Angela).

And the parasocial relationships I have with people at bookstores and comic book stores and bars are not something I take for granted anymore, because I felt that loss keenly during the Lockdown.

So I'm certainly not lonely in that sense, and I love the process of building a new friendship.

But not having a primary relationship, not having somebody to come home to, is hard. I have the pictures I had framed for Jacqueline's funeral service out on the parlor table and miss her face 18 times a day.

I thought of you the other day, Hec, because my neighbor John, who helps in the morning has a t-shirt from Amoeba Records.(we pay John, just kind of on the quiet. Which on one hand is annoying--the system should work as advertised, damn it,but kind of gives me inner scamster a tiny happy). Also, less agency means less agency people. Which, I know you don't know them, but you don't want to either. I know that you probably expected to miss her a lot, but feeling it is a different thing from knowing you might. Even if you probably started missing the person you met, say, along the way.

I've never really felt that Someone To Come Home To thing, except, like "Hey, mom, I'm home." but that's different, because we are parts of the other, and what I do reflects on her, and we can't really be equal(Not, like, in a foot-on-the neck way, but she risked her life for me...doesn't she feel stupid?)

Hope it's not too late for me to find a partner, but I guess I could ghost without tearing someone's heart up. Maybe that's good to know. Traveling light and all that jazz. Except that I don't do that, either. Damn it.

David I'm glad you are connecting with people.

Yay new job. Hopefully the drama will stay far far away from you msbelle

I forgot it was M's birthday tomorrow. I remembered the date just lost track of the days so I had nothing planned until he said something Sunday. Tomorrow I'm taking him to the sushi place for dinner. I have Thursday off and we were planning on doing some errands so I'm adding a stop to the comic book store so he can get something. Kind of pick out his own gift. I'm going to suggest going downtown for lunch and then making sure we go to Mast General Store. They have a candy counter/area and he was talking about how he wished there was a candy store near us. So at least he can have a candy shopping spree.

Mom's housing issues are worked out for now. The landlady has multiple tenants that can't afford to buy their place and are worried about people buying and raising rent so she's been working out a deal with Habitat for Humanity where they will buy the houses and keep rent at a reasonable level for the current tenants. Mom is going to need knee replacement surgery and she's worried about the bathroom being small and a tight fit so the landlady said she'd talk to Habitat and see if they could renovate it .

That sounds like a good outcome for your mom, askye. I'm glad things seem to be working out.

Back from a memorial, the more leftist political one that was organized by some of the victims and hostages' families (there were at least 5 in Jerusalem today, two were organized by the families. This one criticized Netanyahu and called for his immediate resignation). It was sad but good to be there.

In the weird kind of hope that we have now, you might want to read this eulogy: [link]

I am glad to have read that, Shir. Thank you.

I voted, and there was a long-ass line out the door as I left. That seems like a good sign. Then I bought books!

That's a pretty dang good Tuesday, Tep!