David, did the call from Niki come from the phone you provided her?
Yes, it did. It really gives them so much more agency.
The other good thing was they got to see that I wasn't dropping them off and washing my hands of them once they went into the shelter. That I would still advocate for them and support them.
I'm awake at 4:47am because somebody from the church emailed me pictures of the flower arrangement, and it's none of the flowers I asked for and not the colors I requested either.
It's a lot of pink. Which, if this were msbelle's funeral, I would happily flood the place with pink. But it's not really Jacqueline's palette. I asked for dahlias and ranunculus and irises and tulips. It's Gerbera daisies.
Dahlias are in bloom right now! I can walk into Bi-Rite and walk out with armfuls of them!
Grief being a weird driver, this became the thing that upset me because it felt so wrong.
She responded back very thoughtfully and said she would try to take out the pink and put in some purple (JZ's favorite color). (She isn't the person who did the arrangement, but an administrator.)
It's weird the things that your heart will latch on to as a flashpoint in grief.
Also, Jacqueline's birthdate is wrong on the program and I've asked them a few times to change it but I haven't seen it fixed.
Can you imagine getting a copy editor's birthdate wrong at her funeral? The insult!
They're really being very responsive and trying hard to make the service as I want it, but all these last minute things are stressing me the fuck out.
Anyway, now I can't sleep and my in-laws are arriving in 6 hours.
You'll get through it, David, if that's any comfort. Fuck the linear passage of time, but sometime soon everything onerous will be done and your in-laws will be gone and you'll be able to sit quietly in your house.
As I caught up on posts, it had been my hope that the positive resolution with the girls would yield a good night's sleep for all of you. I hope the details come together properly quickly as the right colors and birthdate are not a big ask.
Sending strength and endurance~ma is needed to endure the in-law's arrival.
Oh, David, I can just imagine the flowers being wrong being a very heavy straw. I’m so sorry things are not lining up and smoothing out difficulties.
I got a room at the SF Central Hotel tonight so I’m almost guaranteed to be there tomorrow. Not sure how long the drive will take, coming up took longer than my phone expected, but I might be able to take you out for a drink if you need to escape the in-laws etc briefly
David, you deserve all the cocktails!
I’m so glad the sisters are able to be together. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around them having to be separated. They are so lucky to have you and Matilda to help set them on a more secure path, David.
They are so lucky to have you and Matilda to help set them on a more secure path, David.
Goodness, yes. Does a heart good, and I know it's a ton of extra emotional lifting at a time when you're already lifting so, so much more. The flowers would've gotten too me, too, I am 100% sure.
Oh, David, I can just imagine the flowers being wrong being a very heavy straw. I’m so sorry things are not lining up and smoothing out difficulties.
The administrator, Iris, was very patient with my emotional dysregulation via email ("I knew it was coming from the grief," she said) and has taken it as a personal mission to track down purple flowers for Jacqueline. Also, she herself is a copy editor and said an inaccurate birthdate is unacceptable and she will make sure it is corrected.
I texted with Niki this morning and they both feel more comfortable at Diamond Youth Center than Huckleberry (where they've been four times before). It did seem to be a much livelier and looser atmosphere.
I sent their new phones contact info to both the school counselor and the social worker. Connecting all the dots.
I'll put more money into Matilda's checking account and she can take the girls to Target (next to their school) on Tuesday afternoon and buy them some more clothes. They barely have anything more than one outfit.
David, so much love to you and yours. I'll try to watch the funeral tomorrow, if an army or two won't get in my way.
I'm OK today. Even managed to work a bit. I will continue cooking for volunteers. It's a triple win: 1. Every minute I'm cooking is a minute I'm not watching the news 2. I get to channel some emotions by chopping vegetables 3 I get to feed people.
I also had the first Arabic class I've had since September. Half of the class managed to make it. Most of us cried at some point.
