And, different post. I want to make this one a bit more informative.

While not listening to or watching the news I understood that the Israelis in the south keep using the same word describing the events of Oct. 7th. That word is tophet, a very specific term for hell that involves sacrifice of children. So once more I'll urge you not to watch or read the news. I've seen enough horrific images, and by now I managed to see 7-8 that I deeply regret seeing.

However! There are very good advices here as to what to do if you've seen awful stuff. Please follow accordingly. [link]

Also, I cooked for 3 hours and fed lots of people today. Volunteers and friends. This made me feel good - or, well, more normal - for the first time in a while.

Also 2, I'm almost starting to get used to the sound of booms from Iron Dome's interceptions. Or at least, it doesn't make me Very Alret And Scared each time. There have been plenty, my apartment is in a location that gets the distant sound of them from remote areas.

Also 3 - I am very concerned about Gazans and every fiber of my being does not want revenge (whatever it is even good for? There has been enough bloodshed. I don't want anyone else dead or wounded or scared). I don't know what I can do about it other than say it. I don't want another massacre. Not in my name.

And now I'll wash the dishes, change to pajamas, try to watch something stupid to keep my mind of the grief and concern, and pray that I will not get another alarm clock tomorrow morning courtesy of Hamas. I want a quiet and lazy morning that includes pancakes. But will see.

That's all for now. May this end soon.

Shir, I wish you and yours quiet and pancakes.

I'm so sorry. Which feels like everything and nothing at the same time.

I went to volunteer today. Crafty Friend took a mental health day and there weren't any other volunteers so I went in and talked to K some and I wanted to finish the sorting project I started.

Then it got weird. I think it was planned for no volunteers and part of me wishes someone in the know had said : today isn't going to work out for you to volunteer. Because K was fired from the place he helped co found so that was really awkward. The director did come over and try to talk but he wasn't in the best shape, I was trying to be like "it's not any of my business" and he was like "you are part of the community and this wasn't an easy decision". I do not know what happened. I did manage to speak to K as he was leaving and I finished up what I was doing and left.

And then I returned some shoes and came home and got depressed by the news. A couple of places I was scrolling on line kept throwing up older news so I had to scroll past Lindsay Graham being a truly awful human a couple of times.

EM came over today and we did the biggest pile of onerous bureaucratic shit in the history of ever.

And, yesterday, was an insanely busy day for me between JZ's cookie jar and getting phones and gift cards for the teens.

One of our bigger tasks, was just getting both phones up and running. But SIM cards are in, and I have a new Cricket account, and they are both added on it and their phones are activated.

I had three things to get in the mail today. One needed to be notarized. One was arriving by UPS and needed to be signed and turned around to UPS, and one needed a form filled with a death certificate attached. Got all of those out the door.

Texted my window guy to come fix it. Meeting is scheduled for next week.

Texted my contractor to set up a meeting next week about fixing the back stairs (a 4 part project!).

EM toughed out the world's worst hold music (some weird 80s synth beat loop) for 40 minutes, to finally get a live rep to help me change the account for our trash pickup. Got our account number. Contacted customer service who replied immediately. Sent them the death certificate and all the info they requested, and BAM that one is actually completed.

EM also pushed through the Anthem health insurance customer service line to find out who exactly I needed to talk to get my name as primary on our account and set up autopay.

Turns out it's the Survivor and Beneficiary Team with the UCSF Retirement, who I already have to call for two other issues related to JZ's pension and life insurance.

It was a shit ton.

I'm taking our teen visitors in to Huckleberry House (a homeless crisis place for teens in the City) tomorrow. Unfortunately the school counselor wasn't in today and I don't know the Social Worker's name. However, they have 24 hour admittance for teens in crisis, so I don't think it will be an issue. I'll call first though. I got them both phones, am covering their service through the school year, and got them gift cards for Starbucks and Target. And I'll stay in touch with them and the counselor to continue to advocate for them.

And then...on Sunday family arrives for the service on Monday. Gotta prep the Garden Apartment after the girls have been staying there. Oy.

Lordy, David. That just one thing on top of another on top of ANOTHER. Good on you guys for getting through as much as you did.

Hi Shir! Wishing you sleeping-in and pancakes!

Shir and Nilly- glad you are both...not ok, but alive? Surviving? I appreciate the updates.

Also that link with all the tips for dealing with traumatic content is gold. Quite a few are things recommended by my therapist who specializes in first-responder PTSD shtuff. I've used the shit out of the "play a blippy mindless game" on phone or tablet. Even ten minutes at some point after dealing with traumatic content but before going to bed (gotta zap and rewire before attempting sleep) can help de-traumatize the brain. Effective and accessible. I got into the habit of plants vs zombies or simon's cat (linking and pattern repetition games like candy crush) almost every evening for a few years there. A great option especially when you stumble across imagery without advance preparation.

ND- I didn't even realize stitches through a nail could be A Thing. Here's hoping the grow out phase isn't super cringey. Reminder (cuz I forget sometimes) that superglue is a fabulous home remedy if the stitches aren't quite holding enough, or flaps go flappity flap in an annoying manner. Re-apply as needed cuz it just sloughs off with time.

The teens were delighted to have their own phones.

Matilda is so mad at me because I told the teens that Jacqueline's funeral is coming up, that she went to bed in a huff at 7:30.

There's no winning.

Oh well. I can only deal with one crisis at a time.

Oh, Matilda. This is such a hard time for her.

Oh Matilda, that is hard. But also true.

Wrt gummies to help with sleep…”drops” brand makes a blueberry muffin edible that’s 4:1 CBD:THC. Reasonably affordable and very relaxing indica strain. Recommended by my massage therapist. A friend swears by a CBD/melatonin gummy but I don’t know the brand. And if fizzy beverages are a plus, I often enjoy a glass of Mag Calm of an evening. It’s a magnesium carbonate powder with a super mild citric flavor. Mix with water for fizzy slightly flavored water. Just don’t go over the recommended dosage because it has laxative properties at higher doses.