Yeah, Happy anniversary Teppy. I'm so happy for you that I'm only slightly envious.

And Happy Anniversary, Steph and Tim!

Happy birthday to Sophia!

Happy birthday to smonster!

Wishing you both cake and lots of joy!

And happy anniversary to Steph and Tim! You two are absolutely my #couplegoals.

Also belated happy birthday to erika! I hope there *was* cake and joy!

WRT to therapy, I think it's something most people would benefit from, and not only in times of grief. But I've learned (for me, anyway) it has to be the *right* therapist, and that can be hard to find. When my dad died, it was totally sudden -- we had spent the evening before celebrating his birthday, and he was in great spirits. I know I could have used an outlet for my grief, but the idea of searching for that right therapist was exhausting.

David, at any rate, I think most people who love you but feel helpless about the situation are trying to offer some kind of useful suggestion. It really just means they care about you, I think.

Probably more cake than joy(But maybe cause I got to sample three different flavors of cake.) Wonder what it would be like to sample three flavors of joy at once...

I too believe most people would benefit from counseling, but I've also heard the suggestion as a "more-caring" way of saying "You still on that?! "so some ambivalence makes sense to me, too.

WRT to therapy, I think it's something most people would benefit from, and not only in times of grief. But I've learned (for me, anyway) it has to be the *right* therapist, and that can be hard to find. When my dad died, it was totally sudden -- we had spent the evening before celebrating his birthday, and he was in great spirits. I know I could have used an outlet for my grief, but the idea of searching for that right therapist was exhausting.

Oh, good points, very true

starting a new job on Monday and it's stressing me out. I'm going to be working for Transamerica again instead of TATA Consultants who have been contracting my job. with Transamerica. So, it's not a big change, just a different computer. still working from home.

But there are so many things to get done like health benefits and beneficiaries for my 401k. I had 3 days off last week, but was sick the whole time. now it's the last week and we are working 9 hours a day, and I'm not getting any better health wise.

if there is any ~ma out there to spare I would really appreciate it.

health-ma! And a smooth dose of Easy-transition-orooni.

Sorry for interrupting any on-going conversations. Like I've written only a few dozen posts ago, I actually skim and-try-not-to-skip, so I know I'm interrupting, and I am sorry about how it seems I'm ignoring, and yet, it's that time of year again, and, yeah, still (and probably forever) in a risk of sounding a bit strange:

On Sunday evening (as most of you clever people probably already know) starts the Jewish holiday of 'Yom Kippur', which means 'Day of Atonement'.

This is a day of soul searching, of trying to better define our faults to ourselves, and try to accept it upon ourselves to become, at least a little, better people. A day of repenting past wrongs we did, looking and finding it in our hearts to forgive wrongs done to us, and trying to remember to learn from this process in the rest of the days of the year. The holiest day of the year for practicing Jews.

On a rough division, there are two kinds of wrongs people can do: against G-d, and hurting their fellow human beings. In Jewish tradition, if the person committing a sin against G-d is truly sorry for what they did, repenting and taking it upon themselves to try and avoid repeating it, G-d forgives those sins.

The deeds which hurt other people, though, are not so 'easily' and personally forgiven. If somebody did anything to harm another person, they would not be able to cleanse themselves from that deed, no matter how much they'd pray and be sorry and repent and try to do good in the future, unless they make amends with the person who was hurt by that deed. As long as peace between people is not achieved, the 'sin', so to speak, is not 'erased from the books' above.

Regardless of the date in the year, I'd hate to think I'd offended somebody, anybody, in any possible circle of my life, in so many circumstances. I don't think that the attempts of becoming a better person than one already is, is something that needs a date or a certain holiday for it, of course. It's just that, for me, having a certain day in the year to stop my daily runnings around, and think of nothing else but the really important things, is a good reminder of the order of priorities I'd like to have in my life.

(Well, I wish that were true. Frankly, I spend more time thinking about how much a sip of water would be just what I need, and wonder how long I have left until the fast is over and I can start hydrating again, than about the actual important stuff. And in between comes the whole being responsible for two insisting-they-are-not-too-young to fast by now ('all the kids in school are fasting right until the end') and more-and-more-able-to-take-care-of-themselves and yet still needing their adults' attention, in their way, very lovely kids, so mostly the important soul-searching stuff has to be pushed aside by the practical and urgent stuff. But still.)

So, since Monday will be, for me, this day of at least trying to perform some soul-searching, of trying to create a new start in my on-going effort of 'becoming a good human being, or at least a slightly better one', I would like to ask all of you here, if I offended anybody, or hurt any of you lovely people, to tell me about it, and give me the opportunity to apologize, fix it if possible, and also learn from my mistakes, and try to not repeat them (there are so many new ones to practice, why repeat old ones, you know?).

In case I offended anybody, and can't communicate directly with them about it (for whatever reason, especially with my ongoing practically-absense from the board in the last few - I'm not even sure how to call it, years? ice-ages? whichever-you-may-call-the-time-units-that-measure-the-lifespan-of-planets?), I can already say that I'm truly sorry. I can honestly say that I didn't mean to - you're all so considerate and thoughtful and generally all-around lovely, that there's absolutely no room for such a thing here. However, I might have had a slip of a keyboard, or mistaken somebody's intentions, or many other possible so forths. Y'all are so understanding, you probably tried to find excuses for me and didn't take offense anyway, but I want to make sure, all the same.

Please don't get me wrong - I'm definitely not trying to go around in a 'holier-than-thou' show off, or force my personal beliefs on others, or make statements which may be understood as criticizing anybody else's beliefs (or lack thereof) and way of living. If anything, being around here, among such a rich versatile group of kind and clever people, has exposed me to a lot more ways of choosing to lead one's life than I've ever had a chance to see before, and has shown me much more of the beauty and richness that is the world we live in.

[Edit: this is especially true these last recent years, pre-Covid19, with my oh-so-short time-not-in-front-of-students-or-kids, computer time and internet access, which gave way for too many opportunities to unintentionally miss stuff or seem to ignore (undeliberately!) people or their posts. And even more so during the hectic Covid19 in-front-of-a-Zoom-screen-for-way-too-long times. And even more than that now, when things seem to go on some sort of back-to-routine sort of times.

Sometimes in absence you can hurt people just as much as when you're present. Or even more so, only differently.

And at the same time, you guys are always so there-for-anybody-who-needs (including little me - even when I don't get to get to the board, let alone post, I still know that you're there, that no matter what, if I ask, you're there for me, even after all my absence and lack of giving back).

So this is a chance to also post: Thank you.]

Nilly, you always write the most thoughtful and loving posts at this time of year. Thank you for including us and educating us. It is such a pleasure to have you as part of this community.

I thought R was going to do party shopping and prep with me today but there was a miscommunication and so I’m on my own and having a minor meltdown about it. I know I’m making everything a big deal right now but it’s really hard for me to make a bunch of decisions alone and this whole week I thought I’d have help.

And my dad was too upset to call me last night to wish me happy birthday. My brother left a short voicemail in which he was on the edge of tears. Nothing from my sister, of course. Not even a card this year.

R also has a tough time dealing with my down moods and has a habit of telling me to think about good things and such; I’ve shared that that isn’t helpful but I think it’s going to be a continued issue.

We did have a lovely evening last night where R and one of their kids made me dinner. There was cake. The kids actually hung out for a while instead of disappearing into screens. One of them drew me a sweet stick figure pic of me and R and my cat and a big heart and a rugby ball, and R drew me that shot of Trinity in the stairwell where she’s paralyzed with fear, which is meaningful to me.

There. Good things. Yay.