I don't have the time to write the long post I want to write, with individual words to all of you who shared your lives here recently. All of the posts I semi skimmed between meetings and in commutes, during dinners and breakfasts. But I do love reading your updates - the good, the joyful, the bad and the heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for the joy, the frustration, the pain, and the love.
David, Matilda, Emmett and JZ - I am so sorry, and I carry you in my heart as well. JZ is wrapped in so much love. I hope that you are feeling it too. May it also be a good and peaceful passing.
We're in a weird space. JZ is ready to go. But her body isn't.
This is such a difficult place to be, for all. Part of it is her youth. Her heart and her will to live are still strong, and those around her are not ready to let go yet. When she is ready, and feels those she loves are ready, it will happen.
Stephen insisted on going to the hospital and I sat at his side for 3 days while he was in a coma, after I had signed his DNR. I left the room for 5 minutes to get a coffee with his brother. While I was gone my mother told him he could go now, and he did. Pissed me off that he waited for me to leave, but the nurses said my will was keeping him there. None of us know how this works, but so many times people wait for a loved one to arrive, sometimes they wait for them to leave, but most times, there is no reason in our understanding at all. Mostly I think it is when our loved one is ready.
Holding all of you in my heart.
The story I tell myself is that she was so prim that she simply didn't want me watching the hardest part.
My mom was the same. I was sitting up with her but hadn’t had a shower in days. as soon as I stepped away to take a five minute shower, she finally let go.
JZ is a strong person, and, I daresay, has so much she can’t bear to leave behind. I wish her the peace of mind she needs. You spend so much time fighting for every second of life. it can be hard to let go.
When Grandma e finally passed we were there with her in the room but we weren't with her exactly in the moment. We had been focused on her and then someone said something and we got caught up in laughing about a memory and then my uncle's wife realized Grandma E had passed. It was kind of a there but not there moment.
It feels odd to say that I hope that JZ's body catches up soon but I don't want her or any of you to be distressed.
Dana I'm sorry you are dealing with the BS of the medical industry.
Mom has been fighting for months with her insurance over her shots for her knees. Somehow the last time the doctors office either coded something wrong or the insurance changed something because the insurance is only approving for the injection but not the actual medicine. The medicine is the expensive part and no one can really tell her what happene that was different the last time.
Also she needs knee surgery but her duplex has steps up and the landladies have said they can't put in a ramp for..reasons...I told her she needs to talk to her doctor about this before they think about scheduling surgery.
Pissed me off that he waited for me to leave, but the nurses said my will was keeping him there.
Same.
but most times, there is no reason in our understanding at all
Cosigned.
I am convinced to my soul that the only reason humans (notoriously inefficient evolutionary agents) have survived at all is due to our ability to tell ourselves stories.
My therapist and I made a solid plan for me to deal with some house stuff that has been weighing on me, and I feel so much better.
I’m out doing last minute back to school stuff with ltc.
My brain is a sweet potato today. Ugh. The physical therapist is here working with Tim, and I need to get work done, and my brain is a sweet potato.
