Agh. My boss sent a really wild email on Friday reaming someone out (when nobody asked her to). And it caused a shitshow. And she sent another one Monday that was the exact opposite (thanks so much for all you do). And this was supposedly on my behalf. I ended up calling her boss and sharing them and saying I don’t see her being productive with this team any longer and can I have a new manager (she is my people manager but isn’t actually involved in my projects, so it’s really interchangeable). Her boss has now set up a meeting where we are supposed to discuss for 10 minutes each what we want the other person (me and my boss) to do more of/less of/etc, per her agenda. I would rather gnaw off my own arm than have this meeting. What the duck.

I feel you meara. I had a deeply unprofessional crying meltdown about my idiot boss in a department heads meeting last Thursday, talked to HR Friday, apologized Saturday, and tried to have a reconciliation meeting yesterday which sucked almost as much as the original meltdown. I was really hoping to live this job and spend the rest of my career in it but it’s so dysfunctional and the guy I helped hire to be my boss is so so so bad at being a leader.

I mean, he spent February to May acting like he and his other direct report were having an affair (the whole workplace was appalled) and I get called unprofessional for getting visibly frustrated with him? He thinks he’s doing a good job and meanwhile half the staff is coming to me asking me to save them from him and I hate it so much. I think I need a new job.

I mean, he spent February to May acting like he and his other direct report were having an affair (the whole workplace was appalled)

Did you write to Ask a Manager, by any chance? Because I read that one.

I did think of it and actually texted a friend “you will not believe the Ask a Manager nonsense I have going on at work.”

What was her advice? I documented and actually got up my nerve to say to him “I think you need to be aware of the optics of your friendship” to which he did nothing, and finally told HR and finally they cut it out and everyone pretends it never happened except, you know, I hate everything now.

Both of those sound terrible! I remember you mentioning the weird intimacy between the boss and your coworker, flea, that remains super weird and it's awful that you are the one getting stress dumped on you. And the meeting sounds awful in a completely different way, meara. Ugh.

Here's the article, flea: [link]

I'm sorry you guys are having manager trouble, flea and meara.

I am in the middle of another "opportunity" for new manager learning: a contractor (who I didn't hire!) has finally unprofessionally lashed out/not done his work enough that I was able to gather the higher-ups in that area and say "Nope, we're done, here's what my plan is to cover his deliverables, you people let me know when we can kick off the separation process SOON TO RIGHT NOW".

They all agreed with me. Unfortunately the coverage plan at the moment is ... me.

In the course of our little talk my boss called me volatile, said I came in too strong, and said I lacked soft skills. I wonder if he would think I’d say any of those things if I were a man.

I mean, tact is just not saying things that are true. I’ll pass. But yes I am direct and vehement and also the people who work for me feel I treat them well.

Ugh, flea. If you haven’t run screaming by then we plan on trying to vacation near you in October on Columbus Day weekend. We’d love to see you again!

Atropa, that also sounds horrible. I’m sorry.

ltc and I had a very lazy book day. I fell asleep several times because I’m still recovering from our big, fun day with vw and Stitch and all the driving I did yesterday. My body is not used to driving two hours a day, and my arms and shoulders hurt after using the hand controls that long. So ltc and I read a book together and then did some separate reading in tree same room.

flea, I can’t even imagine you being volatile.