David, I hope you were able to get JZ's meds.

smonster, I’m so happy for you!!!

And being bi, I could never decide between Oz and Tara. And now I don’t have to?

SPARKLY PINK HEARTS EVERYWHERE

Fie on the morphine SNAFU. Of course that would happen but still, fuck that shit.

David, I hope you were able to get JZ's meds.

I literally had to run through the Haight with a bag of morphine to get her meds to her before her last dose wore off, and we cut off the breakthrough pain at 2.

And that's the SECOND time this year I've had to run home with pain meds which were stuck in pharmacy purgatory to get ahead of her pain.

It's a stupid system. But at least in this instance I told the discharging doctor I wasn't leaving until I had a scrip for liquid morphine because I wasn't just trusting the hospice would have their meds to her in time before 5:30. (In fact, they did not. They were 40 minutes late and that would have been pain at 7 or 8.)

On the plus side, even though I'm 62, I run almost every day so I didn't have a heart attack trying to help my wife. So that's a win that I dedicate to the Kezar Stadium steps.

My bitter bottom line hard earned wisdom which I impart to you freely: Never ever get in a position where you don't have the next pain dose in hand. Because then you're on a countdown clock and there are so many things that will stop or stall you getting pain meds.

When the hospital says, "Well, the hospice nurse will be there by 1pm and this dose will last until 5:30" it doesn't mean shit. Because as it turns out the hospice nurse was the ADMITTING Nurse and she didn't bring any drugs, and the drugs were going to be delivered by a third party and they were late.

There's this presumption that any handoff is going to go smoothly as intended, but...you can tell when you've been dropped after a while. And I knew the transition between hospital and hospice was not air tight coordinated by the way it had unfolded.

I mean, I didn't talk to a hospice rep until yesterday.

David, this is so hard, and you are being such an amazing partner and father.

I hope you get an elizabeth as regular hospice nurse. And by an elizabeth, I mean one like my friend & neighbor, a home hospice nurse who has a rep of fighting ANYONE for her patients & families.

Much love to you.

David, this is so hard, and you are being such an amazing partner and father.

As Matt noted, it's not that hard when you love them. I mean...I'm fucking tired. And fried. But I would sprint a couple miles to stop Jacqueline from being in pain and hurting and I know all of you would do the same for your beloveds.

I remember interviewing a guy who worked on a video shoot for a Tom Waits video and the way he described it underscored the long, difficult tedium of any one-day shoot.

And I asked him if it was hard and he said, "It was hard but it was a good hard." Like...some things are worth it.

When Mom was in hospice, they were tossing out morphine and Xanax like candy. I can only assume it was the mechanization of her amazing hospice team. Because Dad wasn’t equipped to fight that kind of red tape.

That’s some insane bullshit.