{{hugs you all}}

David, I have experience with both a g-tube and an NG tube with Grace and also with my friend David who had a G-tube for a few years on ensure as an adult. Oh and both of my kiddos had TPN for a few months. I can answer any questions from the caregiver side if you have them.

Thanks, kat, its great to have you for a resource. The G-Tube will probably be inserted tomorrow, and she might be released to hospice by Thursday if the hospice people would ever get in touch with me.

Jacqueline's mom and brother arrived today and I took them to see her. Her mom started sobbing as she walked down the hallway to Jacqueline's room. Her mom, Sunny, is 80 and will outlive her daughter. While I am primarily worried about Matilda, I know that Sunny's wound will be grievous and cast a shadow on the end of her own life.

I am sort of in the tooth grating stage of managing all the family members right now. Everybody's grief is palpable and also spikey and irregular. People just don't know how to process it.

On top of which there are so many incredibly consequential details I have to attend to daily. It falls to me, no matter how much everybody wants to help. They can't handle online accounts and e-sign documents.

I have a push-me-pull-you ambivalence of hanging onto every second with Jacqueline and also wanting to be past this part. It's unrelenting and exhausting and I know there's so much more to do.

Right now the looming thing is that Matilda's first day of her senior of high school is a week from tomorrow. And she might be missing the first week of school because... So I need to talk to the principal and the school counselor. One of many essential things to wrangle.

EM has been sleeping here on the couch for the last several nights, cleaning everything and making the house ready for hospice and visitors. Holding the fort down and providing meals and a steady presence for Matilda and Emmett and me.

It was a conscious effort to foster a relationship between Matilda and Emmett's mom, and it has grown to be something so nurturing for all. A bond that helps make our family.

The weekly calendar right now, though, (just in pencil) is G-Tube tomorrow, release to home on Thursday. But maybe on Friday.

Hec, I don’t have the word, but you’re in my thoughts.

David, oh my god, I just heard and I have no idea what to say. It’s been far too long, man, but all my love to both of you.

(I’m Jim from the TT days; I still have a digital version of the bubblegum tape you made me - the original was scrapped, jammed in the cassette deck of a Volvo in 2007)

I sent up the Jim-Signal. I've been lurking for the past few months with a lump in my throat and a heavy heart.

JZ, David, everybody: you are in my thoughts. Sending love and best wishes from across the Pond.

I'd be happy to join the nurse appreciation op as well.

Steph, happy to read about Tim's improvement.

David and JZ, I'm in awe of both of you. I'm glad you have one another, and grateful for the presence of your pixels in my life. Even the painful ones. Thank you for keeping us updated. You are loved.

::curls up quietly in the corner, just to be around her people::

I lurk here much more often too these days. If anyone feels like they want to talk in weird hours (when it's day here and night on your end), or if you'd like me to organize another group zoom/google meet, let me know. Happy to organize it if it helps anyone.

Also...Trigger Warning on Barbie: It has a coup attempt and a Constitutional Crisis in it.

That was from a while ago, but oh, I laughed so much when I saw your warning. If only the solution was as simple as it was in the movie.

Hec, many of the feelings and experiences you’re describing feel familiar from when my mom died earlier this year. I felt like an emotional supernova for that last week, burning energy at ridiculous rate. And yeah, I am also super not proud of some of my behavior during that time.

Hi everybody. I get very little Internet time now but I’m going to try and catch up when I can.

kat, is your tag from Turning Red?

Deep in lurker mode here, too, but wanted to say, don't forget to secure your own oxygen mask from time to time, David.

Also, you're doing an incredible job with an incomprehensibly difficult task. Sending more love.

Dylan's favorite uncle died in his sleep last night.

I'm sorry, Susan. It is a blessing that Dylan was able to have time with him.

Go Atropa and Beekaytee for doing the hard work! I've slid the past year and need to get serious again.

Yay, Tim! Give that man a bubble wrap bow.

It's unrelenting and exhausting and I know there's so much more to do.

Yes, it is. In some ways having so much to do also keeps you from crumbling. If you can offload any tasks please do so because the physical and emotional exhaustion takes a massive toll.

David and JZ, I'm in awe of both of you. I'm glad you have one another, and grateful for the presence of your pixels in my life. Even the painful ones. Thank you for keeping us updated. You are loved.

What Shir said. I know the updates are difficult, but those of us loving you from afar appreciate so much that you have included us. You are family and we love you.

{{hugs you all}}

Grabs some of those Consuela hugs!

Hi Jim and Fiona!