I'm so sorry.

Timelies all!

I am so sorry, David and JZ.

Our air conditioning is not working much, so it's been pretty unpleasant here the last few days. We were all cranky pants here last night, not helped by Mr. S refusing to even try to go to sleep. He finally fell asleep around midnight. Of course he was up around 6:45 because he had to use the bathroom. Our bathroom, not his, and he turned the lights on.

Air conditioning guy is supposed to come tomorrow.

And angry. I'm also really angry.

Angry. Sad. They keep flipping back and forth. All, though, tinted with the awareness that, unlike some poor people who will never know what they've missed out on, I've had the blessing of a JZ in my life for as long as I have. I'm greedy. I want more. I'm furious that I don't get to have it, that none of us get to have it, that Hec and the rest of JZ's family doesn't get to have it. But I'm so fucking lucky to have had the time we've had, even if it's not enough.

They can’t get the tube started. Three horrible tries and it won’t go down her throat.

Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry, David. I know how awful that procedure is when it works. Three tries with no success is horrible, and it's so critical. Goddammit.

Angry and sad. We are in your pocket.

Oh, man. So sorry. Plei, I understand where you are coming from, but also feel a little bit like a "poor person" too, because the board itself could be like a large family's rowdy reunion(Maybe, at its best, smuttier) but you never quite get to do and say as much with every person present as you might wish.

And there were at least two half-assed plans to come visit that I had to table(as well as my longtime wish to actually *get closer*, which is still in my heart somewhere but as a practical plan...kind of has a "next year in Jerusalem" feeling at this point. So sad, too, that that is more about market forces than about some thing(or person) in the desert that I hate to leave, but I seem to have plenty of time to feel pain about that.) In some ways we have a lot in common,--on rewatch, I've really come to appreciate Oz as a boyfriend-- but in some ways, we don't know each other that well. She's always gracious and supportive, though I think she gives me too much credit...Like a Monet, I think I look better from a distance, probably. She did the cover art for that soul compilation that I keep meaning to try out in my van stereo. Maybe I'll take it with me if we ever make that road trip(with a stop in SoCal...doing it in one day was flat-out nuts)

Oh god, David, I'm so sorry and wish something, anything, could at least go easy.

cereal: Though I'm glad we did it so I didn't miss anything, for once. Still, not recommended.