I liked this essay about the proper size of a social network:

[link]

Hmmmm, I have strong opinions about how people aren’t psychologically or physiologically supposed to maintain a trillion friends - it’s why I keep my FB so locked to only people I know in person *and* who actively participate in conversations. And even that can be a reach in terms of just how much passionate interest I can hold for the lives of so many people I’m fond of.

But I think that essayist missed the main point of Twitter. It’s not a “social” network. I mean, you can meet people there the way you meet someone in a coffee shop and strike up a conversation, sure. But the way most of the people I know there use it is as a way to comment or opine or live tweet a TV show or whatever - without really caring if someone responds (I have never gotten an adrenaline rush from someone liking or responding to my tweets - and I don’t particularly even like having back and forths there for more than one or two replies). I purposely rarely follow friends there. I use FB for friends.

I follow lots and lots of strangers, some of them since 2008, and many of us have “parasocial” relationships in that we enjoy each other’s quips and opinions, but we aren’t actually involved emotionally. And I LOVE that because dude I cannot take on more friendships than I already have - I am already always feeling like I’m not doing enough to keep the friendships I do have going - and I do blame social media for that - it artificially spreads us too thin.

But mainly, Twitter has been *the* way to see what’s happening in the (granted, mainly online) world. And THAT is what’s being truly lost as everyone scatters to the twelve new places that have popped up in the last year. That’s what EM has absolutely ruined, I think purposefully (but that’s another tangent…).

The thing it reminds me of is how everyone used to watch the same four networks, and thus had a shared experience and generally knew the same shows (or at least was aware of them), got the same references, etc. Before cable and streaming sent us into a multitude of scattered places, each skewing narrower and narrower until we all exist in our own tiny little worlds which are limited to people who have overlapping interests and generally sing the same tune.

Back when, as my friend dream likes to say “Twitter was good”, it was a shared experience in that you could generally see what was trending, what the memes were, follow the breaking news, and get the pop culture references. Twitter democratized (where else could you reply directly to incredibly famous people and sometimes get a reply?) and connected folks in a way I hadn’t seen in decades. BUT even more important- significantly more important- you could follow respected news outlets and get news as soon as it broke, and generally know what was going on in the world anytime you wanted to check (assuming you followed more than just USA twitter handles).

Most of this is before 2015 kind of ruined everything. Once TFG announced he was running for POTUS, the dark side of twitter was unleashed and it became more and more about doom-scrolling. And now, due to all the Musk fuckery, it’s ten percent what it once was, as it’s taken over by bots and Nazis and Musk fuckboys.

Twitter was my absolute favorite online space for 15 years. I’ve made some dear friends there, I’ve learned a TON by following smart and insightful and funny people. And I really miss it. Nothing else online is anywhere near what it was in its heyday (for me).

On the other hand, I have a lot more free time now that I’m not reading twitter first thing in the morning and last thing before sleep and all through the day. :P

(I didn’t intend to go on this long about that website but this is the first time I’ve spent the time to try to articulate just what I miss about it. And I’m annoyed by people like that essayist who dismissed the importance of the site - especially as a way for marginalized and forgotten people to finally get the attention they deserve in terms of so many things. But again, that’s another tangent.)

Yeah. All those "touch grass' people don't understand how hard it is to be social, and/or network when you can't(or at least, not easily) Vaccine Fairy might have saved my life, too, dubious gift as that seems sometimes, because vaxing was another place where the System that wants to control us so much was fucking useless and some thoughtful geeks helped us nab the vax slots. Can I get some more health-ma for Mom on Monday?(When I asked before, I didn't realize appointments were weeks out.) Honestly, you guys, as stoic as my mother is is how much I feel out of muddle-thruvium...if we have to handle too much else, I don't think I can. Sometimes I wish I could full-on lose my shit and wake up thinking I'm Rachel from Friends on her way to Bloomingdale's--this reality has never liked me anyway and I'm the worst overcomer ever, even if I'm not getting ready to be fifty-going-on-fifteen which I also hate, no matter how good it makes me at outreach with the yutes.(it does, but I'm never sure if I'm *empathetic* or *arrested*...yes, right?)

Ugh, in the last couple of days I found out that a cousin—who I just saw at his mom's birthday party a couple weeks ago—is now in the ICU undergoing dialysis after additional problems were found during a cardiac procedure, and that a dear friend I used to work with has been hospitalized for dementia and her prognosis looks exceedingly grim. How screwed up is it that Mom's upcoming cancer surgery has fallen out of medal contention among my worries for the medical situations of loved ones? (Not that I'm looking the gift horse of her outlook being far more optimistic in the mouth! If only one of those situations can be no sweat, you picked the right one as far as I'm concerned, Fate/the Universe/Flying Spaghetti Monster!)

Java, I think you're not wrong about the positive aspects of Twitter! I also am missing the breaking-news aspects of it, in particular. I can no longer follow the #Oakland tag to see what the local news is, and so forth. Mastodon is interesting but the range isn't as wide, and because it doesn't have quote-tweeting it's hard to get as much commentary.

On the other hand, I do really appreciate my small social networks where I know and trust people. Here, Dreamwidth, and a private Slack I've been on for a few years.

Oh for sure. Yeah, a lot of the newer sites like Threads and Bluesky don’t have the basic features quite yet, will be interesting to see how it all works out (or doesn’t!).

100% agree re Twitter. I never posted much and rarely went on but it was great for following breaking news or sports or live tv! In a way nowhere else really is.

I was never a super regular user of Twitter but it gave me a way to interact with a lot more diverse set of people than I ever would have in real life. And I learned a lot of cool stuff.

It sucks that Musk is killing it slowly.

In other news my aunt has been moved to a long term care facility with hospice support. Mom is going down to FL in a few days.

Also I've been reading various posts about Sinead O'Connor from a wide variety of people and I just hope that she knew how much people respected and admired her. I know that with mental health issues it can be hard to believe but I hope that people let her know.

I've had a real mental block on writing a resume and job hunting and I figured out some of it so now I've got to push through and remind myself the sooner I get a job the sooner we can move out. I think part of my block is volunteering at Recraft and realizing I'd really like to work for a company or business that I felt more aligned with my values. Or at least treated their employees decently (in terms of pay and benefits at least) and also how slim the job options are when it comes to jobs paying less than $15/hr. Which includes a surprising number of office jobs.

At least volunteering is keeping me active and I'm getting a lot of practice in doing a lot of sorting and organizing and at times it's overwhelming when it's doing the same type of thing but I realize overall how much I like doing that. As long as it's not my own stuff and I have decent parameters to work with.

The thing it reminds me of is how everyone used to watch the same four networks, and thus had a shared experience and generally knew the same shows (or at least was aware of them), got the same references, etc. Before cable and streaming sent us into a multitude of scattered places, each skewing narrower and narrower until we all exist in our own tiny little worlds which are limited to people who have overlapping interests and generally sing the same tune.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but that makes so much sense. Particularly of late with news consumption.

As for the friend circle, I have slipped into a life where so many of my friends are located outside of my geographic location. I am trying to fix that, even going to local community events! I went yesterday to the local meet and greet and spoke with a couple I hadn't seen since the meet and greet two years ago. We laughed about that and when I got home I sent a friend request to facilitate seeing them more than once a year. Baby steps. Also, I need to make the time to travel more to have in person time with people I value.

Can I get some more health-ma for Mom on Monday?

Of course, in abundance. An extra dose of coping with the stress ~ma as well. The testing/waiting/testing/waiting cycle is emotionally exhausting.

I'm sorry, Matt. The feeling of helplessness when loved ones are suffering never gets easier.

And because I left this page open last night and didn't hit post!

It sucks that Musk is killing it slowly.

Or quickly! I very rarely went into Twitter so it isn't a great a loss for me. I unsubscribed right after he bought it with the anticipation that I wouldn't miss it. I do know that for many it was a valuable source of idea exchange.

I figured out some of it so now I've got to push through and remind myself the sooner I get a job the sooner we can move out.

Yes, as much of a relief that it must be to wave the WC hassle behind you, it will be a new level of freedom to get away from that living situation.