Close enough, I think. Bad stuff first . . . .

In February there were nights that ended with me literally howling in pain, a whole lot of tests (cameras should not go there), and finally a diagnosis that led to All The Really Awkward Physical Therapy. ("Compression of the perineal nerve" - just the thought of it generally makes people want to climb away from their own bits.) It took months and plenty of crying and cursing, but I am okay now.

On October 26th, my four-month-old grandniece died; several days later, an autopsy revealed the cause as SIDS. In the aftermath, my brother and sister-in-law have separated, my immediate family of origin has pretty much fallen apart, and two separate events in my personal backstory said "OH HAI 'MEMBER US?", so I am now (finally) being treated for PTSD.

On November 1st, we all learned that Connie had died on the 10th of October. Shir, I'm working on the story of "When we went out to test the trebuchet and what we learned from it", promise.

Good things:

My friends proved themselves to be wonderful people who had my back, however that manifested - special call-outs to Bev and Plei, who have been avatars of kindness. Sometimes that looked like enabling me in buying a Dude Thor Funko to go with my Yule Goat, or saying "Let's drive to a town within spitting distance of the border for ice cream!" The ice cream was absolutely worth it, by the way.

Jim and I took an actual vacation for the first time in 10 years and left the country for it! Okay, we took the ferry to Victoria BC and slept a LOT, but it counts.

I now have a Mini, the Saturn having made it to 20 years and within a thousand miles of 200k. She looks like the blue one from the 2003 version of The Italian Job and I am not allowed to do any mods until she is paid for.

There has been a lot of music, and theatre, and getting hauled to art museums (friends again for the latter two). I have learned I much prefer open mic night at a local brewery, fondly heckling blues musicians I know, petting dogs and helping kids with board games, over going to the symphony - but I'll go to the symphony because Jim loves it and sometimes you get surprise!Steven Spielberg.

Some awful things happened this year. This time there are better tools to sort it, and good people to encourage the work. That includes all of you.

It's good to be back.

Shir, I'm working on the story of "When we went out to test the trebuchet and what we learned from it".

♥ï¸

Oh, amy. What a year. I'm sorry for all of the losses. Happy for your friends, too.

It is so good to have you back, amyparker. May the good in 2020 completely overwhelm any bits of bad.

I don't really have much to say about 2019. It seems it was just a placeholder year. Lost a bunch of weight and put it back on. Endured a bunch of work stress and survived to go forward another year. DH still dealing with the same issues that plague him. Eldest has made no progress. My siblings still facing the same challenges. The only change is now approaching 66 instead of 65. And my hair is longer and has a more pronounced gray streak.

Having my son and DIL living here has been nice. There is more upside than downside there.

May 2020 bring things into focus. I'm grateful for this group and hope we all find much joy in the year to come.

I am glad to have amyparker back too. I spent the New Yearreflecting on being a bad friend. i have already posted, but...

I have loved getting cards and taping them up on my kitchen doorway (I have no mantel). I do think I want to send things throughout the year, like postcards. It is fun. I had a hippo postcard I wanted to send to Steph, but I couldn't find an envelope the right size, and a postcard seemed weird for Christmas!

I would love a hippo postcard any time of year! (This city recognizes one queen, and it is Fiona.)

My 2019 was fine -- had some great times with some good friends, made general progress in various areas (work, trombone), same job, same apartment, same lack of dating, etc. Obviously the world is a dumpster fire, but I'm doing OK!

And as I said to some friends yesterday, I hope everyone's 2020 is better than their 2019 -- even if 2019 was good, let's go for better!!!

I got another card, this one from Kat. Thank you! It's beary cute.

I held out until the bitter end, hoping to go out on a positive note, but 'twas not to happen. I've been trying to get out of my current position for the past 6 months. My boss doubled my workload, and of course, I am failing spectacularly. The section chief for neuro, who I do not work for, came down to complain I'm not supporting her people enough and she'd tattle on my boss if I didn't do better. It wasn't until she left that I thought of telling her, "Yes! please do. Let him know I am failing and then I can go to HR and file a complaint for harassment." Bitca. Anyway, the most recent position, one I thought I was a shoe in for, sent me a nice letter to say thanks for the application, but we had more qualified candidates. Ugh. Gotta keep trying.

And, my kids had to enact drama on Christmas. My daughter has foresworn holding any events at her house that includes her brother. This happens at least once a year, usually Christmas. It's getting to where I just want to skip it.

The one bright spot is that I got together with my one true love. Never thought I'd say that, again. I'm 62, and while I know it's never too late, I thought it was for me. She is my Sunshine, literally. Her parents were kind of hippy-dippy in naming. The lovely thing is that we've known each other for 8 years, so there's no rude surprises, just a deeper connection than we allowed ourselves before. It's what I always hoped and wanted and finally have. It's the one thing that brings me peace going into 2020.

Honey Nut Cheerios:

And it wasn't all bad. The job is just what is preying on my mind. I had great fun in October going to Canada for a figure skating competition to see my favorite skaters in action for the first time. Got to meet in person many of the people from twitter that I chat with about figure skating. That was the highlight of my year. And I plan on going to as many events as I can afford going forward. Worlds is in Montreal in March, so I'm looking forward to that with great excitement!

Aw, Sail, I'm so happy for you and Sunshine! I hope the job situation improves somehow, I know how much that can grind a person down.

I don't think I really have anything to say about 2019. Good times, bad times, etc. I've been feeling pretty adrift, I'm going to try to take charge of myself a little more for 2020.

2019 was a rollercoaster - I'd like a bit more of a flat ride through 2020. But in a year when so much is changing, I think the best I can hope for is a soft landing and some stability for me, mac, and my parents.