Well, I promised to update after my doctor appointment, and that was a few days ago, so here goes:
2018 started so well. Had a new year's party. Went to Denver and met my cousins' kids for the first time and got to see my cousins. Took a trip to DC and hooked up with an old flame, and saw friends (and a musical!). Got a slate of ballet tickets, though I had a hard time finding people to go with me. Went to Mexico with my sister for some awesome sister time and sunshine. A fab trip to Vegas with friends for a queer fan conventions even if the shows mostly weren't anything I'd watched, it was still lots of fun. Lots of soccer games. The old flame came to Seattle, and I ended up having quite the weekend between her and "the Fluffer". Trip to Sacramento for "Lesbian Olympics" (which granted, I ended up a sobbing wreck, at one point, but for the most part was good).Pride. 4th of July, and then a trip to Kentucky for a dance convention, and my sister picked me up and we spent a week at my parents' place, trying to get them to downsize. Which it turns out may have been my last opportunity to see the house I grew up in and my parents have lived in for almost 35 years. Janelle Monae concert. Watching more soccer. My birthday, and then off to DC for another dance convention, more seeing friends, and then a trip to Toronto to see the old flame. A fun day on a boat. A weekend trip to Portland for the women's soccer championship game. A new work assignment, which I got to go to San Francisco for, and also stay with dance friends, hit up another convention, and go on a date with the Fluffer! ...and that's when it all took a turn. Somehow broke my ankle so badly that I had surgery and had to be off it for three months, and am only just now slowly getting to start putting some weight on it with crutches. Cue a few weeks off work, but only long enough for them to not replace me and have people mess things up while I was gone! And make me never get the hang of the new project and end up seeming totally incompetent. Had to stay with friends for over a month, while I figured out how to handle the stairs in my townhouse. Finally made it home in mid-November, and my sister visited me in December (since I'd had to cancel the dance convention that is usually the highlight of my year, along with a planned trip to see her and her new home). It's been a very frustrating and hard few months. Yes, there are things I am grateful for--working from home means I didn't have to try to navigate a commute. Friends who let me stay with them. A random ex who let me borrow a knee crutch so I can do stairs and come home. My sister for visiting. But it's also been isolating and lonesome and awkward. I had to miss my favorite event of the year. I have a hard time getting to the bathroom, much less to a party or a bar. It was my right ankle, so I still can't drive (and won't be able to for another month or two). I'm an extrovert, and to be unable to go places and see people, especially when it's dark and dreary winter in Seattle, has been super tough on top of the pain and the anger.
Into 2019, I'm told I'm healing well, and I'm now starting to be allowed to put weight on it. My new hope is to be able to dance again (at least my easier dances, and maybe not fast exciting ones) by the next conference in May. But that's several more months of rehab, of pain, of awkwardness, of not being who and what I want. Of not being able to make the plans I want, do the travel I want, etc. Work gave me a new project, and while it may all work out, I suspect I'm being set up to fail. I won't have airline status this year (the first time in like, 15 years!?) and that sucks. I want to take random trips, but I can't even walk right now, or leave my foot down for more than an hour without it swelling up and hurting. So that's a big no. And I know I'm bitter, and some of my friends have not been terribly understanding or kind about that. Which makes me more bitter. I feel like all my friends have coupled up, and three of my besties, who used to live within a few blocks to (continued...)