Really starting to panic about the prospect of becoming a parent. There's so much to do, and figure out. Just, I worry all the time.
You got all kinds of learnin' and you made me look the fool without tryin', and yet here I am with a gun to your head. That's 'cause I got people with me. People who trust each other, who do for each other, and ain't always lookin' for the advantage.
Mal ,'Our Mrs. Reynolds'
Natter 76: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Foaminess
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
Allyson - Jun 17, 2019 5:50:28 pm PDT #8834 of 30019
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
sj - Jun 17, 2019 5:53:24 pm PDT #8835 of 30019
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
Worrying all the time is great preparation for being a parent. Seriously though, Allyson, you're going to be a wonderful mom.
-t - Jun 17, 2019 6:06:09 pm PDT #8836 of 30019
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration
That sounds normal, Allyson. You're gonna be great
sarameg - Jun 17, 2019 6:20:16 pm PDT #8837 of 30019
You'll figure it out. And what you think you can't, you'll wing it & that will be fine. Sometimes hard & terrifying & worrying, but she'll be loved & safe & you will see to that.
DavidS - Jun 17, 2019 6:31:09 pm PDT #8838 of 30019
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
Really starting to panic about the prospect of becoming a parent. There's so much to do, and figure out. Just, I worry all the time.
They're pretty resilient if you don't leave them in the car during a heatwave.
Once you get the hang of the basics it's more of a grind than a non-stop siege of panic.
You are smart, and you are caring and you are competent and you will master the basics in no time.
I will reiterate what I consider to be the Three Essentials of Parenting.
1. You have to keep them alive. More generally tend to their well being, keep them fed, and get them to the doctor when they need it.
2. You need to love them and let them know they are loved. You do this from the very beginning and it gets into their skin and they know they are worthy.
3. You have to set boundaries. This is the unintuitive one. The thing you have to learn as a parent, and every kid requires a different style. But you have to keep them on the rails. They need to be socialized. They crave structure. They need to know you are constant.
And that's it. Do that and in most cases they will grow to become themselves.
I'm not saying it's easy. It's not. But you are well capable of doing all three of those things.
Just let people help, because you're going to get very tired and frazzled at times. Sometimes it's really boring too. They need a lot of repetition.
DavidS - Jun 17, 2019 6:36:41 pm PDT #8839 of 30019
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
Really starting to panic about the prospect of becoming a parent. There's so much to do, and figure out. Just, I worry all the time.
I'll also note that when EM was pregnant with Emmett, I started having nightmares - almost one a week - where he was already born and under the covers and smothering.
I'd wake up in a panic kicking off the sheets trying to get the baby out. But there was no baby yet! Just the advancing stress of being alert! On top of it! Can't Sleep The Baby Needs Me! Before Emmett had even arrived.
The weight of that responsibility was heavy on me at first. It takes a while to trust they will sleep through the night without you watching them breathe. And later that a stranger can take care of them at a daycare without you.
Laura - Jun 18, 2019 3:45:05 am PDT #8840 of 30019
Our wings are not tired.
2. You need to love them and let them know they are loved. You do this from the very beginning and it gets into their skin and they know they are worthy.
Every bit of what David said, but I am partial to #2! If you didn't worry about getting it all wrong then we would be concerned. You'll be great. Remember that you have a network of loving friends when you get overwhelmed.
Dana - Jun 18, 2019 4:14:27 am PDT #8841 of 30019
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.
Things I don't have this morning: Fever.
Things I do have this morning: An appetite.
So far, so good.
sj - Jun 18, 2019 4:28:04 am PDT #8842 of 30019
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
Yay, Dana. I hope your day continues to improve.
We were having a perfect day yesterday until ltc completely melted down for TCG on the way to karate. No camp today and ltc is out with mom now.
Laura - Jun 18, 2019 4:39:36 am PDT #8843 of 30019
Our wings are not tired.
That sounds encouraging, Dana.
We really lucked out with the meltdown stuff with the boys. Maybe it made up for them both having horrible colic when they were infants. My theory is they were just so busy they didn't have time for fussing. They always went to work with us, from one week of age. In the office there were a dozen people to distract and occupy them. They went to preschool at 2ish, but came to the office after hours. When they were little punks we were so busy we ate out way too often and I think they just got socialized so early because of always being around so many people. If they tried temper tantrums they likely figured out quickly that I didn't have time for that crap.