{{{JZ}}} Please do not beat yourself up for not managing your emotions exactly the way you think you should. I'm pretty sure you didn't demand that M comfort you.

I am not a parent, but I am a daughter, and I am perpetually grateful for my mother telling me that crying doesn't have to have a reason. A completely different situation, of course, but she could only do that because her emotional life was also sometimes messy and I knew that.

there is too much emotion in me.

the world

our country

45

Senate hearings

mac is failing classes and just went to bed after work rather than get on my computer and do some of the work he is missing.

the people I dog sit for had a family member get very very sick very fast on vacation with them and only just got back him to home, but he is basically on life support and they are being told it is a just a matter of time. It's the father of the wife I dog sit for, I work with the husband. Father is from Mexico and they were all vacationing in Cuba, so it was more than just the medical it was getting his transport approved and dealing with governments.

Oh, msbelle. I'm sorry you have so much extra to deal with.

and then Matilda came and hugged me from behind and was murmuring, "I love you I love you I love you" and now I feel worse because I don't want her to feel responsible for her mother's well-being.

Awww, but that's when she told us that the girls in her school wrote "I believe" in marker on their arms today.

does anyone know anything about an assertion that Ford did not write her own opening statement?

JZ, having a child doesn't mean you never get to lose it. Especially such a grown-up child as yours! You have done no damage.

People are waiting for mid term elections or Mueller and I think it's too late. I think we should have been in the streets every day and never stopped. I don't know what to do to change anything because we have to rely on Congress and voting.

All of this.

JZ, I think teaching our kids that we're human, too, and get overwhelmed and upset, is really important. What Jesse said about no damage done.

I have nothing else. My rage is fading into despair.

In related news (bear with me), my office does a crazy Halloween thing with every section having a different theme. My hallway was successful last year with Stranger Things, and the ringleader has suggested Handmaid's Tale for this year. Is it weird that I'm excited to dress up like a Handmaid??? (I don't know if others will have an opinion about wanting to show more characters, but I feel like a bunch of Handmaids is the way to go....)

Fuck all of this. I can't even talk about the Supreme Court hearings, but the awesome opportunity that I was up for? The company had other priorities come to the forefront. I blew them away but they can't currently prioritize the resources I'd need to be successful. They want to keep the door open.

I'm trying really hard not to burn it all down and curl up in a ball.

Sorry, msbelle.

I haven't heard anything about Ford not writing her opening statement.

It's clear the Republicans are going to pretend the Ford testimony didn't happen, that there aren't other allegations, that Kavanaugh is obviously being dishonest about his drinking at that time.