Good for you, Zen. That must have been really hard, but sounds like it was a really good idea for you. Good luck on the next steps.
Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after day. That final gasp, that look of peace. And part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. She really wanted it. Every Slayer has a death wish. Even you.
Spike ,'Conversations with Dead People'
Natter 76: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Foaminess
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, butt kicking, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
Jesse - Mar 27, 2019 4:48:06 pm PDT #6346 of 30019
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.
Dana - Mar 27, 2019 4:55:03 pm PDT #6347 of 30019
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.
You are the opposite of a total loser. You did some really hard things that needed to be done, and you deserve to feel better.
msbelle - Mar 27, 2019 5:01:19 pm PDT #6348 of 30019
I remember the crazy days. 500 posts an hour. Nubmer! Natgbsb
oh feel better. the world is too much right now.
Maria - Mar 27, 2019 5:11:19 pm PDT #6349 of 30019
Not so nice is that I'm about to ruin a Friday morning for a bunch of people because of a series of unfortunate events and an upset foreign government. - shrift
Zen, I hope this is the first step to feeling better. Much love to you.
-t - Mar 27, 2019 5:15:38 pm PDT #6350 of 30019
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration
Taking that step is so hard, Zen, and you did it! You are awesome. Continue taking care of yourself, and try to be kind and gentle with yourself because I, for one, am very fond of you and want you treated well. I'm really glad work is being supportive. Good luck with the various therapeutic paths before, I hope it is not too unpleasant a journey and you feel better before too long.
Zenkitty - Mar 27, 2019 5:17:39 pm PDT #6351 of 30019
Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.
Thanks, y'all. You're the best of humans.
Consuela - Mar 27, 2019 6:09:45 pm PDT #6352 of 30019
We are Buffistas. This isn't our first apocalypse. -- Pix
zen, the world is so hard right now. You are allowed to feel as you feel, and I'm so glad that your bosses are supporting you.
I've been really busy with family and other stuff for the last week or so, and when I got home from the gym last night I didn't deal with any of the shit in the house other than put the groceries away. And when the alarm went off at 5:30 am I just didn't want to get out of bed and go to work and come home to a filthy house.
So I emailed my boss I would be late, slept in until the dog made me get up, and then cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, changed my sheets, folded laundry, and took the dog for a run in the daylight. Got to the office at 10AM and my boss was totally chill.
Sometimes you just have to take the time to look after yourself. I was so unhappy lying in bed thinking about all the shit I didn't get done-- and I know it's not about my kitchen counters. It's about aging and loss and being an orphan at 54, and my BIL dying, and the country's a fucking mess, and I can't fix any of that.
But apparently if I vacuum and change my sheets (and exercise!) I will feel a little bit better.
In conclusion: argh.
Connie Neil - Mar 27, 2019 6:39:54 pm PDT #6353 of 30019
brillig
It's sad that we're so surprised when our bosses prove to be sympathetic human beings and that our company has procedures to help us that they're actually willing to follow. I can't tell if my managers are just bad at dealing with humans instead of computers (a downside of promoting from within the department) or if there is an underlying ethos of "Don't take time off if you know what's good for you." It may be a local thing, the business school at the nearby private university teaches that workers need to be watched closely so they don't get away with something.
Karl - Mar 27, 2019 7:49:06 pm PDT #6354 of 30019
I adore all you motherfuckers so much -- PMM.
Seconding Consuela's argh, for many of the same reasons.
Zen, I am giving you all the love with the power of my mind.
Dammit, I don't have enough bubble wrap.
WindSparrow - Mar 27, 2019 8:42:57 pm PDT #6355 of 30019
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Zenkitty, sending you all the love in my heart. You deserve care. You deserve to attend to your health. Depression is a health issue. Period. It is a very complex health issue. But it is not a reflection on your strength or on any other virtues you expect of yourself.