I'm sure making other people feel guilty and threatened takes a lot out of her.

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Gud, I hope you can find a way to approach her about her moods affect the rest of the family. And it may not be the smartest method, but honestly? The next time she gets mad at you, try answering back, "Go fuck yourself." Or even, "You make dinner next time." Or even better, STOP DOING ALL THE THINGS. That might learn her.

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STOP DOING ALL THE THINGS. That might learn her.

Seriously. If she thinks you hardly do anything, then she shouldn't notice any change in how the household runs if you stop doing every damn thing that you do.

I feel like I don't do a lot, but after 13 years, Tim still thanks me for making dinner and doing the dishes every. single. time. My god, that goes a long way toward making me feel appreciated.

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We have cleaners who come once a month. They do the floors, bathrooms, and the kitchen stuff that we don't usually get to (sink, inside the microwave, etc.), plus they tend to wipe down surfaces and make the beds, which frankly feels like overkill to me, but I've never cared about whether or not beds get made. In between we do the maintenance cleaning like laundry, dishes, trash/recycling, wiping up spills/cat pee, tidying up, putting the couch back together after the kids have made forts out of it, all that stuff.

Other tasks get split relatively equitably, although Mark is home more during the week, so he does more of the cooking and grocery shopping. And I handle bills/finances and do much more of the planning for things like vacations, summer camps for the kids, etc.

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I pay the bills, sweep the floors ( almost daily) deal with all Cat issues. I d most of the grocery shopping, drug pick ups, cooking and dishes ,laundry an d bathroom cleaning and floor cleaning. I garden, he fixes everything, he deals with most car issues, hires most of the people we need to do things (plumbers) and 99.9% of the time is the driver. I work full time - but any of the seven days a week. Matt works monday to friday , but might not make it home before 9pm. It feels lopsided sometimes - but I also find it is hard for me to let go of somethings. And we are both appreciate what the other does. In general , we know where are standards are different - so we deal with it

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Grocery shopping is another thing I do most of the time. I also do plumbing, but not if it's a huge job. Unclog things, fix facets, install a dishwasher, sure. Install a water heater, NSM. I also repair the appliances. I mean, I can do the clothes washer, dryer, oven and dishwasher, but not stuff like a refrigerator.

Unfortunately, while driving my son back from his night class I hit a big pothole and I now have a bent rim.

My wife does drive around the kids quite a bit. One of the reasons for getting my daughter a replacement car is to take some of that load off. I think she feels like I don't do enough to help her with it. OTOH, the main reason I don't help so much is because I'm at work.

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When are you supposed to have time to drive your daughter when you

I take care of dinner every night, I usually do at least a load of dishes every day. I don't start every load of laundry but I put away most loads of laundry. I pay bills, I do taxes, I mow the yard, I take care of the cars, I take out the trash, I take out the recycling, I drive my son to his internship and back home. I do the carpet shampooing. I not great on the vacuuming, but I probably still more than anyone else. I am usually the one who tidies up the kitchen and clears clutter.

Grocery shopping is another thing I do most of the time. I also do plumbing, but not if it's a huge job. Unclog things, fix facets, install a dishwasher, sure. Install a water heater, NSM. I also repair the appliances. I mean, I can do the clothes washer, dryer, oven and dishwasher, but not stuff like a refrigerator. Drive your son to night classes. Work on your wife's website. Shop for a car and deal with the car loan things.

And go to work, eat, sleep, take a shower etc.

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My in laws live in a house loaded with clutter. They used to have cleaners over but those people never picked up and put away all the various belongings, so obviously having a house cleaner could never work at all because they are terrible.

I might point out they are paranoid about people stealing from them even though they routinely leave the house unlocked. Things got so bad that I finally refused to borrow books or take a load of crap to the Goodwill because I just didn't want to keep having those conversations.

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We have cleaners once a month and do some amount of cleaning in between depending on if other people are going to be over the house. I feel like Bob probably does more household chores than me but we each have our areas of expertise. I do all the grocery shopping (which I love) and most of the cooking. He does all the laundry and always washes the dishes (which he loves). I do the litterboxes and we both walk the dog although he does that more. I make phone calls and he takes care of getting our tax shit together.

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Gud, I'm glad that you are able to see that you are doing a lot and that your wife, to put it mildly, is the unreasonable party.

On pettier news: for a very long time I didn't pay attention to lyrics in songs. As a result, my brain and soul are 100% certain that songs such as Band of Gold are happy songs because of the upbeat music.

Also, I'm getting professional shots tonight! At 33 I realized that as a grown up I should probably have these. I usually photograph badly and do not want to reuse the same 2-3 pictures that were taken in the past decade in which I look OK but less professional, so hopefully that will solve this issue.

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