Thanks for info, friends! I was just curious, and would probably have someone come once a month and not do much in between (I mean, dishes, and maybe give the bathroom a swipe?).

You are clearly an outlier in current society, Gud. Even you cannot do enough to really shift that average, though.

Sorry about your son. That's kind of an easy trap for a smart kid to fall into when admitting you are behind is scary.

Crap. Car loan may not work out because I just switched jobs. Might have to pay cash instead. I don't really mind, but my wife will be really pissed at me. I can't take this much stress.

pissed at you because of the rules YOU DO NOT CONTROL?!?!?! Well that's her choice. I suggest you pay in cash if needed and then you and the kids go get ice cream and let her sit with her anger alone if that is what she wants.

Then my wife tells me I hardly do anything.

What does she actually do? It sounds like she does less than Tim, and he has an autoimmune disease plus full-time work (and overtime) and school booking up his schedule.

I'm sure making other people feel guilty and threatened takes a lot out of her.

Gud, I hope you can find a way to approach her about her moods affect the rest of the family. And it may not be the smartest method, but honestly? The next time she gets mad at you, try answering back, "Go fuck yourself." Or even, "You make dinner next time." Or even better, STOP DOING ALL THE THINGS. That might learn her.

STOP DOING ALL THE THINGS. That might learn her.

Seriously. If she thinks you hardly do anything, then she shouldn't notice any change in how the household runs if you stop doing every damn thing that you do.

I feel like I don't do a lot, but after 13 years, Tim still thanks me for making dinner and doing the dishes every. single. time. My god, that goes a long way toward making me feel appreciated.

We have cleaners who come once a month. They do the floors, bathrooms, and the kitchen stuff that we don't usually get to (sink, inside the microwave, etc.), plus they tend to wipe down surfaces and make the beds, which frankly feels like overkill to me, but I've never cared about whether or not beds get made. In between we do the maintenance cleaning like laundry, dishes, trash/recycling, wiping up spills/cat pee, tidying up, putting the couch back together after the kids have made forts out of it, all that stuff.

Other tasks get split relatively equitably, although Mark is home more during the week, so he does more of the cooking and grocery shopping. And I handle bills/finances and do much more of the planning for things like vacations, summer camps for the kids, etc.

I pay the bills, sweep the floors ( almost daily) deal with all Cat issues. I d most of the grocery shopping, drug pick ups, cooking and dishes ,laundry an d bathroom cleaning and floor cleaning. I garden, he fixes everything, he deals with most car issues, hires most of the people we need to do things (plumbers) and 99.9% of the time is the driver. I work full time - but any of the seven days a week. Matt works monday to friday , but might not make it home before 9pm. It feels lopsided sometimes - but I also find it is hard for me to let go of somethings. And we are both appreciate what the other does. In general , we know where are standards are different - so we deal with it