I'm better now, thanks. Meditation and breathing help. The part of me that usually believes that all that society needs to function and flourish is responsible people being responsible and doing their jobs, however, is slightly freaking out/despairing.

I cannot believe I choose public administration as an MPA in 2019. I had no idea, guys. There's so much to fix. So much.

Theo, I frequently use, "I don't have to make this shit up, you know."

My desire to crawl under a rock and hide is very high today

My desire to crawl under a rock and hide is very high today

Right with you. Can I stay there for a couple months?

My desire to crawl under a rock and hide is very high today

I've been feeling this way for weeks. I'm at the point where I know it's not healthy to be isolating myself this way but I also don't want to do anything or talk to anyone.

My router decided to flake on me this morning so I had no wifi and couldn't work. I was soooo tempted to just go back to bed. But I rebooted and got connected again and am at work and boy does that feel like a missed opportunity

Shir, remember the Pirkei Avot: you are not required to complete the work.

Shir, remember the Pirkei Avot: you are not required to complete the work.

Yeah, that's one reason why yesterday/today were depressing. Because I still truly believe it, and I'm starting to doubt the idea that there are enough responsible people in the right positions who are doing their jobs. Because Pirkei Avot just becomes basic survival if that is the case, and that's very depressing.

Upon reflection, I think I understand why today was more difficult. For the first time since 2019 I'm back at work processing documents that are related to Nazi Germany and Nazi thinking/rationale. I'm always a bit low when I'm working with these materials, but doing so these days... There's no escapism anywhere. You read and catalog awful stuff or thoughts about awful stuff and check the news/see how your friends are doing and it's mostly bad news and it piles up.

So I figure I'll build myself an extra escapist routine for work days. With nice breaks for nothing but optimistic clips of animals doing funny things. And yoga. And a gratitude journal. And to remind myself that I still love my work and it's an honor to process the materials I'm processing.

Extra escapism sounds like a good idea, Shir. That's an extra load of awful to carry, even if it is an honor.

Son's GF and I are loading up the truck with various boxes of clothes and things to take to their new apartment. see Laura do the dance of almost having her own space again

It will probably be a few days before they are out totally, but I volunteered to help her start moving stuff while son is at work.