Her mental abilities began declining and my sister hired someone to be with her during the day (while sister was working), drive her to doctor appointments, etc. So ... Steph, keep the live-in assistance person in mind as a possibility.

This. Hiring daytime care workers for my grandmother (not qualified nurses or anything, just retired ladies who could feed her meals and make sure her basic needs were met) is undoubtedly what kept my mom from imploding when she had her invalid mother and disabled husband to care for while holding down a full time job, with me in college and working every spare hour so I couldn't be much help.

Steph, what is the possibility of hiring a part-time care person. Someone who could take some care of your dad? Does he need help cleaning his house? Cooking? Yard stuff?

He lives in an apartment, so yard is not an issue. And his apartment is always clean (although that doesn't mean that assistance wouldn't be welcome, because of his chronic pain). And he still cooks -- in fact, when I went over there yesterday, he had a crockpot of chili going and he tried to send me home with some (though, in a hilarious coincidence, I have stuff to make chili this week, so I didn't take any of his chili).

I think a cleaning person, even once a month, might be a good idea. And I'm going to look into a patient advocate who can accompany him to doctor appointments after the hallucinations have (I hope) been dealt with.

Steph, what about somebody nearby him that can just look in on him every couple of days and see that he is okay? I'm sure there are plenty of people out of work right now would would be willing to do that for small fee? Lots of good thoughts headed your way. I'm sorry that all of this is so hard on you, and I'm glad the NP was so helpful.

I ordered breakfast delivery this morning, which seems ridiculously indulgent to me, but fuck 2020 so it was worth it. I had a bagel sandwich with an egg, avocado, cheese, and sausage and a soy chai latte.

Nothing wrong with indulging yourself.

That sounds like a truly excellent appointment, Steph. Encouraging that she put her finger on a serious potential cause of the hallucinations, and really encouraging that your dad is so aware of the fact that it isn't real. You are doing the best you can in a miserable situation. Yes, upping the therapy is a good method of self-care. I totally hear and get the 'but I am so good at it' thing in so many ways.

I am so very thankful that my mom remarried in her 60s and was cared for so competently and lovingly by my step-dad. Chances are I won't have any further real communication with him because of how my siblings wrecked things, but I hope he knows how much I appreciated him. We never had to worry about her care because he was on top of everything. Even learned to use a spreadsheet to keep her lists. He only responds to me now with a word or two most texts, but I always let him know I miss and appreciate him.

I ordered breakfast delivery this morning, which seems ridiculously indulgent to me, but fuck 2020 so it was worth it. I had a bagel sandwich with an egg, avocado, cheese, and sausage and a soy chai latte.

Oh, that sounds great.

Steph, I'm really pleased with your report on that appointment, it sounds like the nurse was really on the ball. Did you get a form signed by your dad allowing you to consult independently with his physicians? Because I found that super-helpful, and even without it I was able to call my folks' doctors and report on what was really going on. Both my parents were unable to remember to tell the doctors everything so that was really helpful.

He lives in an apartment, so yard is not an issue.

Ah, I mentioned that as a potential way to sneakily get a male person introduced into your dad's life. I know some men are more willing to accept another man as a confidant/buddy into their lives and not see it as a nurse/caregiver situation.

Some friends had a younger man go play dominoes with their dad as an intro to then being the person who drove him places and did some of his errands with/for him.

Did you get a form signed by your dad allowing you to consult independently with his physicians? Because I found that super-helpful, and even without it I was able to call my folks' doctors and report on what was really going on. Both my parents were unable to remember to tell the doctors everything so that was really helpful.

I didn't think about that, but I should definitely do that. Thanks!

The timesheet saga continues - I decided the only way out is through and I might as well take control. I am ignoring the "working document" nonsense. It will come back up if I FUBAR in some way.

I sent this to co-worker her asst just now and I let Big Boss know that I was sending it to said co-worker.

As discussed, attached is my draft of (BB)'s timesheet for 7/1/2020 – 9/11/2020. Please make adjustments and send to (BB) for her approval and signature, then I will send to (originator) before the Friday deadline.

The work descriptions from 7/1/2020 – 9/4/2020 were what (BB) provided on the composite time-sheets I have already submitted to (Dept) on behalf of (our dept). I do not have that information for the days after 9/4/2020, but included some of the ongoing COVID work that (BB) does every week.

Please feel free to reach out to me if anything is not clear. I have let (BB) know that this is the process we will be following for the time being.

Thank you,

Do you SEE how I am trying to model good behavior with the "reach out to me if this is not clear" and how I am CYA with the "as we discussed" and "I have let her know" and the "what she previously provided".

msbelle, you get a gold star ... and my permission to drink yourself into a less aggravated state of mind