Steph, what is the possibility of hiring a part-time care person. Someone who could take some care of your dad? Does he need help cleaning his house? Cooking? Yard stuff?

When my mother retired, age 70, she and my sister moved into a house together. She was fine for a while, but her health declined and she became effectively blind and deaf (she had some vision and some hearing, but not much ... and couldn't keep her driver's license). Her mental abilities began declining and my sister hired someone to be with her during the day (while sister was working), drive her to doctor appointments, etc. So ... Steph, keep the live-in assistance person in mind as a possibility.

I was super-grumpy yesterday because I couldn't find something and I was afraid I'd lost it, and then this morning I had a brain wave of where I might have put it (spoiler: my purse, which of course I hardly use these days) and it was THERE!

Very glad I thought of this before we emptied the giant recycling container to search it.

I declare that people will have good days today.

I feel sure that Jilli has seen this, but just in case: [link]

Her mental abilities began declining and my sister hired someone to be with her during the day (while sister was working), drive her to doctor appointments, etc. So ... Steph, keep the live-in assistance person in mind as a possibility.

This. Hiring daytime care workers for my grandmother (not qualified nurses or anything, just retired ladies who could feed her meals and make sure her basic needs were met) is undoubtedly what kept my mom from imploding when she had her invalid mother and disabled husband to care for while holding down a full time job, with me in college and working every spare hour so I couldn't be much help.

Steph, what is the possibility of hiring a part-time care person. Someone who could take some care of your dad? Does he need help cleaning his house? Cooking? Yard stuff?

He lives in an apartment, so yard is not an issue. And his apartment is always clean (although that doesn't mean that assistance wouldn't be welcome, because of his chronic pain). And he still cooks -- in fact, when I went over there yesterday, he had a crockpot of chili going and he tried to send me home with some (though, in a hilarious coincidence, I have stuff to make chili this week, so I didn't take any of his chili).

I think a cleaning person, even once a month, might be a good idea. And I'm going to look into a patient advocate who can accompany him to doctor appointments after the hallucinations have (I hope) been dealt with.

Steph, what about somebody nearby him that can just look in on him every couple of days and see that he is okay? I'm sure there are plenty of people out of work right now would would be willing to do that for small fee? Lots of good thoughts headed your way. I'm sorry that all of this is so hard on you, and I'm glad the NP was so helpful.

I ordered breakfast delivery this morning, which seems ridiculously indulgent to me, but fuck 2020 so it was worth it. I had a bagel sandwich with an egg, avocado, cheese, and sausage and a soy chai latte.

Nothing wrong with indulging yourself.

That sounds like a truly excellent appointment, Steph. Encouraging that she put her finger on a serious potential cause of the hallucinations, and really encouraging that your dad is so aware of the fact that it isn't real. You are doing the best you can in a miserable situation. Yes, upping the therapy is a good method of self-care. I totally hear and get the 'but I am so good at it' thing in so many ways.

I am so very thankful that my mom remarried in her 60s and was cared for so competently and lovingly by my step-dad. Chances are I won't have any further real communication with him because of how my siblings wrecked things, but I hope he knows how much I appreciated him. We never had to worry about her care because he was on top of everything. Even learned to use a spreadsheet to keep her lists. He only responds to me now with a word or two most texts, but I always let him know I miss and appreciate him.

I ordered breakfast delivery this morning, which seems ridiculously indulgent to me, but fuck 2020 so it was worth it. I had a bagel sandwich with an egg, avocado, cheese, and sausage and a soy chai latte.

Oh, that sounds great.

Steph, I'm really pleased with your report on that appointment, it sounds like the nurse was really on the ball. Did you get a form signed by your dad allowing you to consult independently with his physicians? Because I found that super-helpful, and even without it I was able to call my folks' doctors and report on what was really going on. Both my parents were unable to remember to tell the doctors everything so that was really helpful.