Because what I can't untangle in my brain is that withdrawing from caretaking for my 78-year-old father as his care needs are increasing makes me beneath contempt, because what fucking kind of lousy sociopathic selfish daughter does that?

But you do seem to understand that (a) your dad has been a total asshole about this stuff; and (b) that he does not take responsibility for his own health, including actively doing things which could kill him.

Because what I can't untangle in my brain is that withdrawing from caretaking for my 78-year-old father as his care needs are increasing makes me beneath contempt, because what fucking kind of lousy sociopathic selfish daughter does that?

But you do seem to understand that (a) your dad has been a total asshole about this stuff; and (b) that he does not take responsibility for his own health, including actively doing things which could kill him.

Absolutely. I know that it's not sociopathic or selfish to take care of myself, and that any grown-ass adult could have spent the last 28 years creating and strengthening a support system -- or even just one single other person -- instead of putting it all on his daughter.

I'm really just talking through the painful conflict between what I rationally know up here t taps brain and what perhaps incorrect emotions I feel in here t taps heart and figuring out how to reconcile them. Or, if not reconcile them, make peace with being on Team Brain Who Wants Steph To Take Care Of Herself.

Xenoethnography

chrismg, I'm enjoying that. Unexpected. Thanks for the rec.

Team Brain Who Wants Steph To Take Care Of Herself.

We are all on that team.

Except your dad who wants you to take care of his feckless ass even if it wrecks you.

(I'm a little resentful about this, but not as angry as I am with Gud's abusive wife.)

I'm a little resentful about this

I appreciate the resentment. I mean that 100% seriously.

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad."

Truer words, man.

That sounds like a really positive appointment. Weekly therapy absolutely sounds like a great idea. Go Team Brain Who Wants Steph To Take Care Of Herself! *\\o/*

esse, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so hard. Much love to you.

Laura, I hope your son can get his heart issues under control. Health~ma to him, that's awfully scary.

msbelle, what the actual fuck, I hope you find a new job and get tf away from there. Document and CYA!

Happy birthdays, BT and Trudy!

I keep thinking I'm done with this feature, but then the goalposts move again.

That describes how I feel about my whole g-d life.

Steph, my sympathy for having to take the caretaker role for a contrary old parent; it sucks.

after asserting that we are sooooper geniuses (SPOILER: I am not), he turns around and acts like we are ignorant babies who failed first grade.

My family has done this to me my whole life too. Only in the last decade has my sister started to acknowledge that I'm pretty smart, but she still explains things to me like I'm a second grader. Although I think that's just a habit, from a long career of being a smart person trying to explain difficult concepts to less-smart people, more than a reflection of how she thinks of me. Still irritating, though.

Because what I can't untangle in my brain is that withdrawing from caretaking for my 78-year-old father as his care needs are increasing makes me beneath contempt, because what fucking kind of lousy sociopathic selfish daughter does that? (And yes, that last part is getting addressed in therapy. I'm just trying to explain how I feel, even if it's not rational.)

May I just say, my sister had this same reaction to stopping being our mom's caretaker when her dementia got really bad. I managed to convince her that no, this is exactly when she should stop trying to care for mom, because she's not trained for it nor emotionally able to do it, and give that duty to someone who is. So I say the same to you. And you are already better off than my sister was, because Sis wouldn't see a therapist!

I like my job and the people I work with and my boss is great and even so I am SO ANXIOUS because I am doing essentially 3 jobs and there is so much work. I'm handling licensing which is a hot mess, MLS support which is my actual job, AND bookkeeping which is NOT my job but someone has to do it and since the office manager quit it just got handed to me. I have once again made the mistake of proving myself competent. My 6-month review is Friday and I'm gonna ask for a change of title and a salary increase. And if I don't get it I may start looking for another job in spite of how much I very don't want to.

Steph, for what it may or may not be worth, it sounds like you at least have help now. It sounds like the nurse practitioner knows what she's doing. More important, it sounds like your father is developing some trust in her -- or at least giving her the benefit of the doubt for now.

So you could take care of yourself by celebrating a step in a good direction. I recommend ice cream.