Oh, good luck, Tep. It's so hard.

And much sympathy to esse; I'm so glad you were all there for him.

Teppy, that's a solid plan.

*(I'm stressed and resentful, but I'm not going to be a dick about it. I can just be stressed and resentful internally and then dump my feelings on Tim and my therapist afterward.)

So's this ^.

I HATE the phone for work stuff. Really hate and it is too late to do today. Also I am not sure if I can control my voice. The sarcasm and anger kinda ooze from me currently (maybe all the time).

I gotcha, msbelle. I don't have great poker-voice, myself. I'm sorry this is all so ridiculous and frustrating.

Esse, all sympathies for your loss. I'm so sorry.

msbelle, I'm also in deep empathy with the linguistic didoes between your boss, the other boss in the equation, and you. Sometimes an in-person sitdown with a pad and pen will force the issue. Being me I'd push for that, but it may not be your best method. I wish you well with it.

meara, I hope the pup's adorableness makes up for all the work. I'm gonna be he'll be a fantastic loyal companion for years to come, once you both get past this part.

Laura, all best wishes for your son. He's awfully young for heart trouble, and it's wonderful he and your DiL are on top of it.

Tep, I hope your dad's appointment went well, and yielded some answers that will be helpful.

My condolences, esse.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes.

My phone call with my brother yielded a little new information that I don't remember him telling me after the doctor visit: Dad's primary-care physician was basically like "You take a ton of medications and they are a hot goddamn mess," but she said it in a more professional way. So one of the really important things, I think, is to get a referral to a clinical pharmacist who does medication therapy management. I suggested it to Dad, but he blew it off and acted like I was Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel** for even mentioning it, and said "The pharmacist at Kroger answers any questions I have," and I told him that the Kroger pharmacist can't spend 30 minutes going through his list of meds meticulously, looking for interactions and/or overtreatment. And he again acted like I was the dumbest person on the planet** for suggesting it, and I lost. my. shit. at him.

**I can't remember if I've shared this: my dad has always, ALWAYS done this thing, since I was a teenager, where he says "You and your brother are the smartest people I know! You could be brain surgeons if you wanted!" (Which is patently untrue, and also fine! I don't want to be a brain surgeon. Medicine is not missing out.)

BUT THEN, after asserting that we are sooooper geniuses (SPOILER: I am not), he turns around and acts like we are ignorant babies who failed first grade. He does it like clockwork, to me and to my brother (who is WAY smarter than I am, and might actually be a MENSA genius; I'm not sure). Like, all the fucking time. Practically every conversation. And I hadn't really twigged to it until the whole medication management conversation, and then I fucking snapped. It's still a really sore spot, and I'm glad I have such a good therapist, because it sucks to have a parent who basically implies you're a moron all the time BUT THEN makes you his caretaker anyway. If I'm so goddamn stupid, why would he want me to be his caretaker? Good question, Steph. It's amazing someone as dumb as you thought of it.

(PS: I actually think I'm fairly smart, so Dad's low opinion of my intelligence only hurts in the sense of Damn, You Actually THINK That About Your Children, You Jackhole?, and not in the sense that I believe him. Because t Peggy Carter I know my value t /Peggy Carter and his opinion doesn't matter. And is factually incorrect.)

That is awful and I am sorry you have to experience it, but I'm glad you are seeing that it is happening and not just feeling like shit. It is yet another reason for Someone Else to be doing the caretaking, because if he won't listen to you you can't do it, it can't be done.

You obviously know your father better than I do, but it may be his way of maintaining control over things, rather than him actually thinking you're dumb. But whatever it is, it's shitty and he shouldn't do it. The parent-child caretaker thing is so hard.

Ask Dad if hallucinations and good judgment go together as well as he thinks they do.

ppssst Steph - your dad is projecting his insecurities because he does not like you all being smarter than him even though he really respects you all for it. also (((LOVE))

A comprehensive medication review is really essential. I remember my mother going to a Gastro doc because of nausea. She brought all her meds with her, not just the list, and told him she really thought the issue was taking too many dang meds. He said she likely was right. He was a funny guy anyway, but he took an overall look then one med at a time. Mom was in her 90s at this point. Picks up the osteoporosis meds, tosses it in the stop pile, says "that ship has sailed", picks up BP med and notes that she has 3 that basically do the same thing and we need to just take this one, so on and so forth. Took her off everything that was preventative and got her down to like 3 meds. I thought she was going to kiss him. Obviously he coordinated with her other doctors, but he said it happens all the time. This one and that adds meds, but never take away any.

I've seen other doctors wean patients off of every damn med and start from scratch because of issues. It is super tricky business. Of course, my knowledge just comes from decades of working with doctors, not actual expertise! And Teppy, you are smart enough to know what you don't know, but you know a whole lot more about medical stuff than most people because of your work.

I'm sorry your dad is being a jerk, and you get so many karmic points for sticking with it. I'm glad you have your bro, your therapist, and us to vent with! (and Tim of course, but sometimes spouses are harder to vent to because they get too worried)