How is everyone at Casa Zmayhem?

Pretty exhausted yesterday. JZ took Matilda back over to her dad's house to sort through things while her brother Chris is still here. He's driving back to Portland tomorrow.

But he'll have to come back down in about two weeks when they have the death certificate so they can meet with the attorney.

Starting to shift from the immediate shock and grief to the nuts and bolts of handling a tricky estate. But Chris was talking about coming down in the late summer with his wife and kids, in the hopes that people can move around the country by then. So the youngest brother, Lukas could fly out with his husband TJ, and some of the cousins would fly in from Greece and there would be a proper memorial ceremony for the whole community.

I think the idea of planning something like that helps after the sense of...irresolution after yesterday's ceremony. Which was lovely in its way but No Hugs makes it feel incomplete.

And Gene was a true pillar of the community type guy. He spent decades helping to put measures on local ballots to help the Oakland Public Schools. He's well known with deep roots in Oakland. He needs a goodbye from Oaklanders.

Yeah, the lack of hugs felt wrong even to read about.

The estate turns out to be less tricky than we'd feared--he and his lawyers crafted a trust that seems to have been exemplary and transferred ownership of basically everything to the three of us the moment he breathed his last. The main complication is that he'd been working for some time toward retirement and selling his business, but over the last year or two his intended purchaser began to look more and more dodgy (not dishonest, just dumb). Our dad started to drag his feet, and the heads of the corporation started making noises suggesting that they might refuse to approve the sale.

So, my brothers are stuck as the owners and decision-makers; unfortunately, the one who's closest by and has the most business ownership experience also happens to be, well, a business owner with a business of his own plus two young kids who are of course now being homeschooled, and the one who has the most time on his hands is at the other end of the continent and as yet unable to even come for a short come-to-Jesus meeting with the not-optimal guy. And I'm extremely local, but pretty much the last person anyone would want making business decisions regarding mergers, buyouts, firings or money.

So, my brothers are stuck as the owners and decision-makers; unfortunately, the one who's closest by and has the most business ownership experience also happens to be, well, a business owner with a business of his own plus two young kids who are of course now being homeschooled, and the one who has the most time on his hands is at the other end of the continent and as yet unable to even come for a short come-to-Jesus meeting with the not-optimal guy. And I'm extremely local, but pretty much the last person anyone would want making business decisions regarding mergers, buyouts, firings or money.

That sounds complicated and fraught and I hope your family's able to get that part sorted and done with as soon as possible.

JZ, your account of the funeral was beautiful. Our love and thoughts are with you all. I hope your family can get the practicalities resolved with the minimum of stress and trouble.

JZ, thank you for everything you've written about your dad's passing and funeral -- it's some of the most *felt* writing I've seen on this whole mess, and it's brought home a whole side of living through this that I've (luckily) not otherwise seen up close, since I'm in a place of "all I can do right now is sit in my house and anxiety bake" (or sautee while Rome burns, as Calli so brilliantly put it!). My heart grieves for you and your whole family, but if it helps even a tiny bit, anyone who's reading along knows something of your love and grief and right now.

Timelies all!

Tired as usual. A certain feline and a small boy made sure I wouldn't sleep in...

My customary come-and-go articulateness seems to have settled on gone for a good while, and I'm finding it harder to comment, far more easy to nod and scroll. So I apologize for reading and not holding up my corner of the conversation.

But I have to hug JZ, and Hec and Matilda, too. Your posts have been so eloquently spoken about grief as an unavoidable reality, experienced in the midst of the utter disorientation and constant low-level fear and trepidation of a pandemic. Bringing personal grief and love and loss into sharp contrast with the life we all expected to be living now, and the reality we're all picking our way through, trying not to touch anything. I'm so very grateful you shared your experience, hopefully let our small collective here support the three of you in some small way. Aside from real-world community, and family, and friends, here's another place where you are loved, your voice and experience treasured as you share it.

Thank you.

I can't say it better than Beverly and others have said it. JZ, I hope the love we have for you and yours brings some comfort.

Gud also replied to my email saying he was okay. I hope we hear more from him soon.

Finally got yeast, and naturally don't have quite enough flour to make bread.