So they've turned off the pressure with the ventilator and he's breathing room air. He's on morphine and not conscious. He won't wake up and find Jacqueline missing. The last thing he will have seen is her eyes and Matilda's card.
His heart rate is slowing down. His breathing is slowing. They didn't extubate him because that's traumatic, so they are letting him wind down like this.
If you've been with somebody who is dying you know the body is tenacious and will fight to live. And so his body will go until it runs out energy. Until he exhales, and then does not inhale again.
Peace-ma to the whole ZMayhem family. It sounds like you have handled everything with as much grace as could reasonably be expected, given the situation. It's always sudden.
I think that is the kindest possible transition.
I hope sleep comes at some point. Maybe not tonight but I wish you all some rest in the coming days.
Hugs and peace~ma and so much love, JZ and family. It is excruciating and I am so sorry. And I am glad that you were able to visit, and to bring so much kindness with you. Love, dear.
And in a separate post:
My son's girlfriend (who's a nurse at a big hospital) tested negative for Covid-19, so that's good. We don't know the status of my husband's aunt, but she's still in the hospital.
Yesterday, my daughter and I, who haven't left the house in 3 (her) to 4 (me) weeks, went to see my mother for five minutes. We met her outside, and stood 10 feet from her, with us downwind. Now I'm second guessing that move, but I think the solitude was getting to her.
That's good about your son's girlfriend, Cindy! And I think that was as safe as it can be with your mom.
Happy belated birthday, Amy!
And askye, what all smart Buffistas have said. ~ma to you too.
Jacqueline, I'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye, and so grateful that you had the opportunity to let him go. I've said goodbye to one parent at 62 and another at 95, and although it was too soon for me, I know they were ready. I know your loving visit gave your father what he needed to be ready.
Wishes for peace and comfort for you, Matilda, David, and all those who mourn his passing.
My condolences, JZ and family. At least someone was able to be there.
I'm sorry, JZ. And David and Matilda.
And now Matilda is sobbing and raging that we didn't share every detail with her all along, and I can hear her crying in her room but she doesn't want either of us anywhere near her. I'm gutted all over again.
I suspect there is no course of action you could have taken that would not leave her sobbing and raging at this time and that she's scrambling frantically for some shred of some sense control in this tsunami of chaos. Her heart is at the gates of hell and there is nothing anyone can do to change that.
It will take a while to get past "If I had only KNOWN I could have done SOMETHING" because she's a bright and effective girl who almost always CAN do something. She can't be with him she couldn't be with you, and she's so so isolated right now... isolating herself just a little bit more is the only change she can affect.
The good news is that she is safe and loved enough (and knows that she's safe and loved enough) to lose her shit utterly. She knows that when she comes back you'll be there. So many people never have that. It's what you are giving her right now and it's invaluable.
