There's no usually anymore, Tom, but November supposedly. Chico was Grad school attempt number 2 and I still have friends up there, one of whom lives in Paradise and presumes she lost her home (although her family including their pet duck is safe) - this one is hitting me hard in the feels.

Thanks, meara. I've been stymied by my inability to imagine an actual better option, but I've come around to just change being an improvement, I think.

for the past 2 years, we have all been living with a sustained level of stress and anxiety as our daily background noise. And, for me, that jacks up my baseline anxiety, which means that anything else that sets off my anxiety is already starting from second base (or sometimes third) instead of home plate.

YES. Ugh.

And I am not someone who historically suffers from anxiety or more than very mild temporary depression. But these days I have only the vaguest memories of when Obama was President and I didn't wake up every day terrified and nauseated by the entire fucking world. So I can only imagine what this must be doing to folks who do.

I told my behavioural psych a few months ago, "I would say that depression and withdrawal are OBJECTIVELY PERFECTLY REASONABLE REACTIONS to a country and a world that is actively seeking to harm me and people I'm close to, and shows no signs of letting up anytime soon."

His reply was, "But you can't do that forever."

Reader, I'm afraid I snapped. "I'll make you a deal -- tell the world to be less shitty and then I'll be less depressed."

Fist-bump of solidarity, Tom. I love you, a lot of other Buffistas love you, and I'm just going to keep moving forward as best I can. It's all I know how to do, at this point.

[eta: Huh, I'm overdue for my next behavioural psych appointment. I wonder if that conversation has more to do with my reluctance to make that appointment than I thought.]

Jessica that's how I know my new antidepressant is working really well, because I am not thrilled with any of this, or with my broken fucking leg (to put it mildly) but it's more anger and serious lack of optimism rather than actively being depressed and crying. Yay my medication! Here's hoping the insurance doesn't quit covering it because it's name brand!

I'm sorry to come in with something so light, but I got the most anti-climatic email today. From the President of the university, subject line: Winter Break Extended.

Guess what? Because it falls on a Monday, they are giving us the whole day off Christmas Eve, instead of the half-day that is written into contracts. I mean, it's nice, and it is an extension, but still.

Jesse, that is pretty anti-climactic.

Yeah, last time I saw my psych a few months ago, he asked if I was feeling anxious, and I said no. Not really. Maybe a bit, with the state of the world. And he said, well, yeah, that makes sense.

When does the rainy season usually start in CA?

Here in LA it's February 18th to 22nd for the rainy season. Not the start, that's the whole thing.

Jesse, maybe the university president was thinking that Winter Break now includes the preceding weekend?

Here in LA it's February 18th to 22nd for the rainy season. Not the start, that's the whole thing.

Heh. It is supposed to be an El Nino winter this year, but I think that'll mean a lot of warm wet rain, which won't build up our snowpack. We'll get a lot of fuel for fires but not as much in the reservoirs as we need.

In any event, I would have expected the rains to be starting by now, but it's just dry. Beautiful sunny days (when the air isn't full of smoke like today), and cool nights.

The air quality is so bad today they say not to exercise strenuously, so I took the dog for a hike in the woods instead of a run. Now I really have to do some stuff around the house instead of obsessively following political news.