I was going to make my usual complaint that working 5 days in a row is too much, but then I remembered that I called in sick on Monday. I should probably look for a new job. Just saying that "out loud" to make it more real to myself.

Steph has nailed how I'm feeling as well, which is why I had to talk myself down in the shower this morning.

And, gah, the news out of Butte County is pretty bad. I am not a fan of fire season.

When does the rainy season usually start in CA?

I just saw the term "firenado" on CNN, and that is not a thing that should exist.

-t you should probably look for a new job. Even if working five days a week IS stupid, I agree.

There's no usually anymore, Tom, but November supposedly. Chico was Grad school attempt number 2 and I still have friends up there, one of whom lives in Paradise and presumes she lost her home (although her family including their pet duck is safe) - this one is hitting me hard in the feels.

Thanks, meara. I've been stymied by my inability to imagine an actual better option, but I've come around to just change being an improvement, I think.

for the past 2 years, we have all been living with a sustained level of stress and anxiety as our daily background noise. And, for me, that jacks up my baseline anxiety, which means that anything else that sets off my anxiety is already starting from second base (or sometimes third) instead of home plate.

YES. Ugh.

And I am not someone who historically suffers from anxiety or more than very mild temporary depression. But these days I have only the vaguest memories of when Obama was President and I didn't wake up every day terrified and nauseated by the entire fucking world. So I can only imagine what this must be doing to folks who do.

I told my behavioural psych a few months ago, "I would say that depression and withdrawal are OBJECTIVELY PERFECTLY REASONABLE REACTIONS to a country and a world that is actively seeking to harm me and people I'm close to, and shows no signs of letting up anytime soon."

His reply was, "But you can't do that forever."

Reader, I'm afraid I snapped. "I'll make you a deal -- tell the world to be less shitty and then I'll be less depressed."

Fist-bump of solidarity, Tom. I love you, a lot of other Buffistas love you, and I'm just going to keep moving forward as best I can. It's all I know how to do, at this point.

[eta: Huh, I'm overdue for my next behavioural psych appointment. I wonder if that conversation has more to do with my reluctance to make that appointment than I thought.]

Jessica that's how I know my new antidepressant is working really well, because I am not thrilled with any of this, or with my broken fucking leg (to put it mildly) but it's more anger and serious lack of optimism rather than actively being depressed and crying. Yay my medication! Here's hoping the insurance doesn't quit covering it because it's name brand!