Because emotional abuse can be hard to pinpoint, it is important to look for patterns of behaviors that could indicate abuse.

Criticism. Unrelenting criticism of what you say or do with a specific intention to display power.

Shame and blame. Sometimes emotional abuse manifests as incessant blaming and shaming for anything and everything. And, this goes two ways. Abusers may deflect blame or their responsibility for any hurtful actions, leaving the survivor feeling like they are the one at fault (read: gaslighting)

Threats. Threatening in emotionally abusive relationships often happens two ways: threatening physical harm and threatening you to do something you do not want to do.

Control. Emotional abusers may control your finances in an attempt to force you to stay in an abusive relationship. (Sad fact: survivors often cite financial manipulation as a primary reason they stay with an abusive partner.)

Crisis Text Line can help you deal with emotional abuse, whether you're in an abusive relationship or recovering from an unhealthy situation. Text a Crisis Counselor at 741741, or use the mobile text button below to text from your phone.

Therapy hasn't been very helpful and costs too much. I feel like I shouldn't have said anything, sorry. I shouldn't just vent.

So you've been in therapy? How long?

Did the therapists echo any of what we have been saying.

Your company has an EAP, that should not cost anything.

Also, you are worth any cost, Gud! But, yes, take advantage of your company's EAP!

Of course you can vent. But we'll disagree with you when you say unkind things about yourself, because they're not true.

And you wouldn't stand for a friend being self-abusive.

Saying this gently, Gud, but you also have to do the work when you're in therapy. You need to listen to what the therapist tells you, and act on what you learn.

We love you and we're happy to have you vent here whenever you like. That's what we all do! But we're also going to keep trying to help you understand that you are not a failure.

It wasn't joint therapy with your wife, was it?

At any rate, if you hear nothing else, please hear that being in a meeting while something unrelated is happening at home isn't "fucking up." It isn't "failing." It's just the way the world works!

I mean, unless you cut the power lines and sped off away from the house. Then maybe you did something wrong.

You are such a kind and thoughtful person to others, Gud. I wish you could treat yourself 10% of that kindness and thoughtfulness.

And please, vent often. I thought to myself the other day that I didn't see your pixels in a while and I wondered how you are doing.