I totally do not want to deal with this. I believe my mom has made arrangements, and that she wishes to be cremated and have no calling hours, funeral or burial. She does NOT want to be the center of attention and can imagine nothing worse than making people endure that after her death. I guess I might end up with the ashes? My grandparents have a gravestone where there ashes are. My aunt has my uncles and has sort of been placing them in various areas outside. My grandma and grandpa wanted no calling hours, and we just had a brief family only ceremony and which my cousin and I got into a giggle loop because my grandma wanted a mass, but since we weren't in a church there were no missels so you knew what to say in response! And there were only five or so of us, and no one was raised religiously, so just mumbling was not an option. So the priest had to act like a folk singer at a sing along and TELL us what we were supposed to say. It was so awkward and we just almost keeled over trying not to laugh, while my more uptight cousins just glared at us.
I also have an single uncle with no other family, and now my uncle's widow with no children of her own (giggle cousin is technically her step son, but he was over 30 when she came into the picture) Luckily giggle cousin seems to have married into (fairly recently) a family with a young person! WHO comes to family events. And acts like a normal person and knows how to do things. She was invaluable when my uncle passed, and she now has a cute little baby.
I believe my mom has made arrangements
if you have any doubt, I would ask her and for yourself you should have a living will and directive written up.
Everyone should. Should anything happen someone has to make decisions and anything you can do ahead of time is one less thing for them to deal with while in shock/mourning.
I need to do a bit more than I have done now since I am going to be moving states away from any family.
Those of you easily offended by death-related things, look away. My FiL's ashes were returned to us in a thick plastic bag in a bronze-colored heavy plastic box with a law-required sticker, an ID, or a facility number or whatever, law required sticker on the plastic box. His ashes were scattered, and the empty box was left in H's custody.
When we picked up StE's ashes we took the box for them to put them in. They regarded us kind of askance. "We'll have to put a new sticker on it."
"Oh, that's fine. He'll (I gestured to H) probably use it, and then me, and then we have another son who will no doubt plan to use it, too. The box can just collect stickers for each of us, you know, like a world-traveled steamer trunk."
They tried to stifle the grins until we nodded and smiled at them. And then they looked at us like we'd got our party hats on backwards or something, and their smiles were undecided whether to honestly laugh or just humor us. But they went ahead and reused the box.
My mom won't even talk to me about planning to move to a retirement apartment. She thinks I am too bossy and clams up. Maria is my person, so I am set unless she predecessors me, which would be unusual since her family lives to be 110 on the regular, and mine craps out at 75ish. But I should probably have a more clear directive for her. Her mom is 10 years older than my mother, and like 100% more spry!
So it's possible that ltc really did have a stomach bug and not just the pneumonia because that is what TCG had yesterday, and I suddenly feel like I have a lead weight in the pit of my stomach.
I can maybe talk to my therapist next time about how to coax her to talk about it. I mean, I know I am a little bossy, but with most people (not my mother or Maria) I can frame things so they don't notice my bossy pants. Which I can't do with either of them because they know me too well and sense the bossy ness.
Oh no, sj! Good luck.
I don't have any of my own shit together, and I know I should.
My family talks about death all the time. So, I know what they want. We got our will and finances together after ltc was born because it just seemed like the responsible thing to do along with picking a guardian for ltc if anything were to happen to both of us.
Thanks, Sophia and Jesse. We're supposed to be leaving for Mom's after school on Wednesday. My hope is that we're all better and somehow I can get laundry and packing done by then.
