Sometimes the "in my book" mentions are hysterically forced and awkward.

So, therapy went well. This was a new counselor (the one before was intake). I did not have to work to make her understand the day to day was a problem and not the hoarding. She was like-you just don't have the cleaning gene and we have to set up systems to make you accountable, which was basically what I was after. I dumped all the stressful stuff that has happened in the past year or so- diabetes, weight loss, no carbs, uncle dying, mom going blind, new job, not filling my old job, theatre, my fathers family, cat dying and new kitten, as well as my family mental health issues. She thought it was a good sign that I wasn't having trouble parting with stuff, she felt that would take more work. She said I was not as pathological as I feared because of my family history and that she would help me come up with techniques for the day to day.

She thought my idea of getting a once monthly cleaning person was probably the best one, because it would give me outer accountability since I live by myself

She is encouraging me, once this big push is over and I don't have theatre for the rest of the year to find some new things to satisfy me creatively as at least this particular theatre isn't cutting it as a Creative outlet. She thought maybe volunteering with high school students or to teach sewing, o r maybe writing about this experience or others would help me.

She also brought up and acknowledged that I lost one of my best friends and coping mechanisms, which was carbs and told me to go easy on myself.

I am still nervous that I will be kicked out or we won't pass inspection, but less so.

My homework is to finish cleaning and to book an estimate with a cleaning service, and to stop beating myself up for having a shit two years that was reflected in the state of my house

She is seeing me again on November 13

That sounds like a really good session! Rock on!

Oh, she also asked if I wanted therapy rather than referring me. I said that I liked the idea of accountability right now, so she will see me up to four more times for that and then see if I want to be referred because I told her about my bad experience and my inability to do the diabetes education. I have to say I am so grateful to my job for providing this service free of charge for six visits- it is really amazing

Sophia, that sounds great! How do you feel?

Wow, that sounds really good.

I hope this is encouraging and not depressing, but: I feel like you've been moving so fast, and it's incredible, but at some point you might crash, and just know that you can still get up again, that you have these resources around you, etc.

In me news, a nice department just bought me lunch, and it was delicious but now I just want a nap.

I feel good, and a little tears. I am afraid of crashing so I am actually taking it easy today. My body is beginning to wear out a bit. There isn't a lot I can do until after Thursday, so I am washing my cleaning clothes and putting my staging area in order.

That sounds like a good call.

That all sounds excellent, Sophia! And a little practice taking it easy and then pursuing a sustainable routine sounds like a good thing for right now, also.