got the word "Chlamydia" stuck in my head to the tune of "Lydia, the tattooed lady."

Ohh, and now me too. Thanks...

Timelies all!

It's my turn to go to dance practice tonight, and I'm looking forward to it,(if for no other reason that I get out of the house and do something without Mr. S)

I can't quite remember what I have said here, but today I did a lot of wrangling. The dumpster came. I scheduled pick up on Friday. It is just going to have to sit there until Thursday when the garbage movers come. They are moving the garbage, washing the floor, and possibly washing the walls. I took a chance that I am going to stay here and ordered a mattress, because it was the last day of a sale. It is one of those mattress in a box things, so I will just leave it boxed until I get the go ahead, I guess? I t might be too tempting. I finished the kitchen except the very center where garbage bags are. Tonight, I am going to have a glass of wine- my first since this happened, in a real wine glass and start to sort. My keep pile that is outside of drawers and closets (which I am not focusing on because That won't keep me from passing inspection is pretty small, so I think I can do it tonight.

Tomorrow I have my second (and first real- the first one was basically just me freaking out) therapy appt. this is a free five appointment thing through work, so I imagine they will refer me on, as this is probably not a five appointment problem!

I can't quite remember what I have said here, but today I did a lot of wrangling. The dumpster came. I scheduled pick up on Friday. It is just going to have to sit there until Thursday when the garbage movers come. They are moving the garbage, washing the floor, and possibly washing the walls. I took a chance that I am going to stay here and ordered a mattress, because it was the last day of a sale. It is one of those mattress in a box things, so I will just leave it boxed until I get the go ahead, I guess? I t might be too tempting. I finished the kitchen except the very center where garbage bags are. Tonight, I am going to have a glass of wine- my first since this happened, in a real wine glass and start to sort. My keep pile that is outside of drawers and closets (which I am not focusing on because That won't keep me from passing inspection is pretty small, so I think I can do it tonight.

Tomorrow I have my second (and first real- the first one was basically just me freaking out) therapy appt. this is a free five appointment thing through work, so I imagine they will refer me on, as this is probably not a five appointment problem!

but today I did a lot of wrangling

That is a ton of wrangling! You've done so much.

And let me just note again, how smart you were in seeking therapy. Excellent self care, and necessary.

Sophia, I hope you realize how much you've accomplished in the past 8 days, because it's a LOT, both physically (in terms of cleaning and arranging for the dumpster and garbage movers) and mentally/emotionally (which might be even bigger). You should be extremely proud of yourself, because you are kicking ass at a really hard thing.

What Steph Said!!!

Seriously!

I just so happy to be right now sitting at a clean table on a clean chair eating dinner and having a glass of wine. Even though I am surrounded by trash bags.

I hope therapy works out. I think I am more prepared for it than the last time because I know what I want to get out of it. WhenI tried in my twenties I was trying to explain my issues with paying bills and taking out garbage and cleaning, and my therapist just did not understand. She was just like-make a list, have a calendar, have a folder for bills. And I was trying to explain wherein I couldn't. And I just gave up.

I think I might struggle to explain that it isn't so much the acquisition of things that is the problem, but the inability to maintain routines or put things away. I mean, I intend to only have a few things, but I don't think that is really the big problem.

I am wondering if the part about not being seen has to do with/is related to agoraphobia, which I think my grandma had (she rarely left the house until the time she ran away and hid in the woods thinking my mom was trying to kill her). And by rarely, I mean I remember all of them. My mental health is the closest to my grandmas (major depression, anxiety, hypochondria,). My grandpa and my mom are a little more the same (paranoid, depressed) although apparently my grandpa was much worse since I don't think my mom hears voices!

I hope therapy works out. I think I am more prepared for it than the last time because I know what I want to get out of it.

I think that, plus the fact that you're willing to do the work (the mental/emotional labor) is a really strong starting point.